Ginny Dewhurst - The Private Diaries
by La Reine Bleu
Summary: An 18th Century girl's encounters with life in general and the Indy boys in particular...
1. January 1st, 1792

January 1st 1792  
  
The first day of a new year. Quite an anticlimax really, as it feels much the same as any other. I would be disappointed, but then again I had not expected there to be any great change in the first place. Indeed, why should things be any different? Just because we now write 92 instead of 91, does that mean that somehow a miracle should take place and all life must change with it? I think not. I awoke around midday to Suzy pulling back the drapes, the sound of voices outside as the last of our guests from the previous night's festivities took their leave, and everything continued as normal. Those who see the New Year as a time for renewal, for a fresh start are, I am afraid to say, deluding themselves. Not that I can blame them for needing something to give them a sparkle of hope in the monotony of their everyday lives, but you would have expected them to have at least started to doubt by now.  
  
I say that today has been the same as usual, but I have to admit to not being entirely truthful on that count. One thing is slightly out of the ordinary - I have started to keep a diary. I had always vowed I would never be caught dead indulging in the craze for writing down every intimate thought and feeling as most of my contemporaries seem to feel the need to, but due to boredom and a rather unhealthy does of maternal blackmail I have finally given in and taken up my pen.  
  
"We saw it and thought of you Virginia dear," my mother felt obliged to inform me on Christmas morning as she handed me a parcel that could be nothing other than a book of some description. Having realised after 17 years the futility of pointing out to her the fact that everyone else manages perfectly well to call me Ginny and wondering briefly what kind instruction manual on how to be a lady in society she had managed to unearth this time, I held my tongue and unwrapped what was to prove to be the most interesting present I received this year.  
  
A green, cloth covered book was revealed to my gaze, of taste so close to my own that I recognised at once the hand of my brother in choosing the gift. My suspicions were confirmed a moment later by the look on his face, and I smiled, thankful that at least someone in this family has managed to grasp the fact that Virginia-Rosaline Dewhurst is not simply a replica of her mother.  
  
So here I am, writing my life for the whole world to see when I die. I wonder what people will say if they are reading this years after I have passed from this world, what kind of person they will think they are coming to know from reading my words. I am almost tempted to create a life, inventing someone from my own imagination for no purpose other than amusing myself and confusing others. But no, I will do this properly, and who knows, maybe one day I will be glad of what I have started on this cloudy and disagreeable January morning.  
  
Mother has just been in to see me and to ask what my resolutions for the New Year are to be. I promptly told her - to follow in the footsteps of the rest of the society's finest and become an alcoholic, join a local brothel and after an exciting but lurid life, renounce the evils of the world and spend the rest of my days in a convent. If it weren't for the fact that people often have difficulty in telling us apart I would swear to the fact that woman is not my mother - she has no sense of humour. It set me to thinking though, and here for posterity, are my vows for this, the glittering year of 1792.  
  
To be true to myself in everything I do, think and say and not to allow society to dictate what my heart knows to be wrong. In short, to continue as I always have done - to please my own conscience and try to keep from going mad in a world that does not seem to understand me. That is all. How hard can it be? 


	2. January 4th, 1792

January 4th 1792  
  
I am surprising myself in that I did not expect to be writing in here again so soon. I really hope it is not going to become a habit, I would hate to have to admit to life being so tiresome that I have to resort to a dependence on a book of paper. However, it seems as though things may indeed be tending in that direction and therefore I feel I should prepare myself for any eventuality.  
  
Nothing has happened today. Nothing. Oh I mean we had callers, but I would hardly constitute Lord and Lady Forecastle and their daughter Alexandra as anything even nearing stimulating company. Only a year older than myself and betrothed to the son of the Duke of Chadwick - a fact which Lady Forecastle seems to fear people may forget if the way she alludes to it at least ten times an hour is anything to measure by - and the most uninteresting individual I have ever had the misfortune to come across in my life. Needless to say, the only event of even marginal excitement to have taken place in the last twenty-four hours was when Pippy decided to take a fancy to his Lordship's periwig - a rather amusing spectacle to say the least. There was of course the added benefit that in the ensuing ruckus I was able to escape from the room under the pretence of removing the delinquent bird, and therefore was saved from what would have been yet further hours of discussing the price of hat-pins and where the best places to purchase silk are. I always said that parrot would have its uses.  
  
There is a glimmer of hope though, as on Sunday we go to the theatre. We have not attended as much as I would have liked to of late, everyone has been busy with one thing or another and perish the thought that I would actually be allowed to have any freedom and travel anywhere alone. But Charles has spoken with Mother and has convinced her to allow him to take me to see Cymon at the King's, the fact she has agreed giving grounds for the suspicion I have been harbouring for a while now, that she has decided upon him as a future son-in-law. I would usually have protested, but it serves my purposes well enough, and I am sure I can manage to endure an evening in his company if it means I have the pleasure of indulging in one of my favourite pastimes. I hear it is an interesting piece, and having enjoyed several of Garrick's other works, I do not feel that I shall be disappointed. And even if I am, the chance to escape from the house for an evening is certainly nothing to sniff at. If only it were with someone a little more inspiring.  
  
It is late, I think I shall sleep now. 


	3. January 9th, 1792

Well, my suspicions have been confirmed. Arose at the usual time today, it is impossible not to really with the noise Suzy makes upon entering a room, and I am not one to lie in bed after I have awoken. I hate to scold her for it though as she is a good girl really and I would hate to lose her. She left soon after and I was passing the time before lunch in reading, I received several novels as gifts at Christmas and I thought to take the opportunity to begin making my way through them. It was not to be though, as I had barely read a page when mother decided to pay one of her maternal visits, and that was that.  
  
After a few inanities concerning the weather and how well Tibb's has managed to tend the roses this year, she moved in for the attack.  
  
"Are you looking forward to this evening, Virginia?" She asked, moving around my room inspecting the surfaces for dust as she spoke.  
  
"Oh yes," I replied, answering the question she had asked rather than that which I knew she was really wanting to put to me, "I am very pleased to get the opportunity to see this piece, I have heard so much about it. You know how I like Garrick. And it will be delightful to visit the theatre again, I have missed it of late." I have to confess that I found it rather difficult not to smile at the barely suppressed sigh of frustration that followed my words, she should know by now that I can read her like a book. And sure enough, her next words revealed the true purpose behind her presence in my bedroom.  
  
"And what of Charles? It is so good of him to invite you to accompany him, do you not think?" her voice was just a little too casual to be believable and I shook my head at her transparency. Lady Veronica Dewhurst would never have made a career on the stage.  
  
"Yes it is good of him. I will be sure to thank him in an appropriate manner," I replied sweetly, quickly burying my head in my book again so I would not laugh at the expression on her face. Really, it is just too easy sometimes. My remark, as I expected, was met with silence, and when she had not spoken after a few moments I forced my face into a mask of daughterly innocence and looked up. I had not been expecting her to be watching me though and I started, struck by the sudden seriousness etched across her features.  
  
"You know Virginia that you are approaching an age at which it is necessary to consider such things as. as what will happen when you eventually leave us here at Oakwood." She began, clearly uncomfortable with such a topic of conversation. I have to admit to not feeling all that happy with it either, but it was clearly something she felt had to be discussed and after a moment made up my mind to make it as easy for her as possible. I may not be the perfect daughter, but I like to think that I am not completely heartless.  
  
"You mean marriage?" I asked, my voice even as I watched her closely for a reaction. She nodded, hazel eyes almost identical to my own meeting mine as she considered how to proceed. "Yes Virginia. Marriage. Surely you yourself have given the matter some consideration?" Her words made me pause. Had I thought about it? To be honest, I do not know that I have. I mean I have always known deep down that one day I will leave home, and that in order to do so I will need to take a husband. Besides, it is what young girls do unless they want to remain at home for the rest of their days at the mercy of disappointed parents and servants who smirk behind their hands at the dowdy old maid that no one wanted. I know this and I always have. It is just that I did not think the time would ever come, that somehow I could continue as I always have done, reading, singing, enjoying my days in whatever manner I choose without the burden of running a household to hinder or concern me. I sound selfish I know, but that is how I feel. I do not want to grow up, to become the lady of society that everyone seems so eager for me to be. I want to be young and I want, more than anything, to be free. And although I may not be entirely familiar with what marriage entails, I know that freedom is not something that I can hope to wish for.  
  
"To be honest mother, I have not," I replied finally, hoping as I did so that I did not sound as confused as I was feeling. If there is one thing I will not allow myself to show to my mother it is weakness, especially where a matter of such importance as my future is concerned. Once I do, she will have complete control, and I cannot allow such a thing to happen if I am to obtain any amount of happiness.  
  
"Virginia." she did not bother then to hide the exasperation I so often drove her to, and I felt my own defences rising. What did she expect me to say? Yes mother, I have done nothing but think of the man who is to be my jailer for the rest of my life when you finally find someone who you feel has enough money and a grand enough title to satisfy your unrelenting pursuit of wealth and recognition? So I said nothing, forcing myself to remain silent instead of giving in to the words that I longed to shout at her. It would achieve nothing to cause a scene at such a moment, there would be time enough for that in the future. My attitude of studied disinterest thankfully got through to her, and she left soon after, muttering something about ungrateful girls who don't know when someone is trying to help them.  
  
I tried to read again, but to my annoyance found I could no longer concentrate, so decided to write this morning's events down in an attempt to make some sense of them. Charles will be arriving soon, mother has invited him to take tea with us before leaving for the theatre this evening. I will be polite, but nothing more unless I feel the desire to be otherwise. I can hear the sound of a carriage outside now, he must be early. I will go down now, the less time they get to discuss me behind my back, the better. 


	4. January 9th - late, 1792

It is late and I really should be in bed, but the truth of it is I am just not tired. Ridiculous really given the long drive into the city and back, not to mention the time spent in the theatre, but the excitement of the evening seems to have affected me more than I had thought and I know only too well that sleep would be nigh on impossible if I were to attempt it now. I have no plans for tomorrow though, so it will not matter if I sleep late. Besides, it gives me the opportunity to write down the evening's events whilst they are still fresh in my memory.  
  
Firstly, Cymon. The theatre was the most crowded I ever remember having seen it, and I do not think I exaggerate in saying that not one more person could have been squeezed inside without serious injury being caused to those concerned. We arrived at our box in plenty of time, something I was glad of, as I do not like arriving late to places as so many people seem to these days. It may be considered fashionable to attend the theatre in order to be seen, but I for one do not see the point in going at all if not to see the performance. If I wanted to watch foolish young men strut around under the erroneous impression that every woman or girl in the place wants nothing more than to be swept of their feet by them, then I would simply attend one of Grace Tapling's dinner parties. I would have less distance to travel for one thing and there would of course be the added benefit of being able to leave without drawing the level of attention to oneself that is unavoidable in a crowded place such as a theatre. Let others parade themselves like proud peacocks if they wish, but I can honestly say I paid infinitely more attention to what was taking place on stage than to what was going on around it.  
  
The piece is not a serious one, something for which I was glad after the less than entertaining past few days. Mr. Kelly took the title role, and although my knowledge of previous actors in the part is limited, I would have to say that in my humble opinion, he performed very well. What stood out above all though and deserves special attention in this account was the magnificence of the scenery. I had heard that no expense was spared for this revival, and that certainly appears to have been the case. Two horses were actually used to draw the car in which Sylvia and Cymon were carried, and the procession of knights was just breathtaking, the costumes the like of which I have never seen before. The man who designed such finery is surely a genius at the very least, and must have been paid handsomely for his pains. All in all it was a wonderful performance, although I am not sure that Charles would agree as he seemed to be more interested in trying to procure the favour of holding my fan than watching events on stage, something which I made sure not to allow. Accepting an invitation to the theatre is one thing, allowing him to think he has any right to other such liberties, however small, is another thing all together. Therefore, due to one thing or another he was not in the best of moods by the time it came for us to leave, something which I fear was rather aggravated by an incident that occurred on our way out of the theatre.  
  
It took us a good while to make our way towards the exit, more than once someone or other managed to tread on my foot or prod me in the back with a cane, but eventually we found ourselves at the door. Just as I was stepping out into the street though I was pushed rather violently from behind, and would have fallen if it had not been for someone quickly steadying me with a hand on my elbow. As soon as I had regained my footing I span round, fully intending to give whoever it was a good talking to as to how one should behave in such a place as the theatre. I do not usually react so badly, but I admit to being rather shaken by the experience, and my mood was not improved when what was probably the same two youths who had pushed me in the first place shoved me again in order to force their way outside, leaving their unfortunate companion to meet the full extent of my wrath alone.  
  
"This really is most unacceptable." I began, shaking his hand from my arm as I spoke. The laughing blue eyes that met mine as I looked up though cut me short, and I found myself face to face not, as I had at first thought, some ragamuffin off the street, but a youth who was clearly of some breeding and refinement.  
  
"You are right, please forgive the conduct of myself and my associates, I most humbly beg your pardon," he informed me, clearly trying to appear serious, although unable to quite hide the merriment and high spirits that had caused the situation in the first place. It is not in my nature to be irritable and I could not stay cross, especially when he bowed low enough to almost touch the ground in an effort to show his sincerity, and laughing, I bid him stand before we attracted the gaze of any more amused onlookers.  
  
"My pardon is granted, Mr.?" I paused, realising suddenly that I did not even know to whom I was talking.  
  
"Kennedy. Archie Kennedy." He informed me, holding his hand out as he spoke. "And may I be so bold as to ask whom I am addressing?"  
  
"Lady Virginia-Rosaline Dewhurst," A cool voice from beside me supplied suddenly, and I started, having forgotten totally my companion in the events of the past few moments. "And I would call it very bold indeed to ask anything of the lady you have just treated with such disrespect. Really, this is a theatre, not a drinking house!" His voice was loud, his tone far from friendly, and I felt myself colour, embarrassed not only by the looks we were receiving, but also at what the young man in front of me must be thinking of us.  
  
"Charles." I admonished quickly before glancing quickly at my new acquaintance, hoping he had not taken offence. He did not seem to though, barely acknowledging Charles' words with a slight inclination of his head before turning his attention back to me. "It seems that your forgiveness is all I may dare ask for then, my Lady, and as you have granted it, I can surely consider myself blessed. But." he paused suddenly, a mischievous grin playing at the edges of his mouth, "tell me, did not I dance with you in Brabant once?" "You must be mistaken Sir, Virginia has never set foot outside of England, have you Ginny?" Charles piped up immediately, a look of confusion on his face. But I laughed, recognising the line from Love's Labours Lost, as addressed to the character who was partly my namesake. The next few minutes were spent happily trading the accompanying lines and ended with much merriment on both our parts. A young man with both intelligence and a sense of humour - a refreshing change from the company I am usually forced to endure. I would have liked to speak with him further and to ask what he had thought of the evening's performance, he seemed to be someone who would have an opinion worth listening to, and I could not help but be slightly curious. However, it was not to be, as his companions, clearly tired of waiting for him, chose that moment to speak up from across the street where they had fled to safety from my earlier angry outburst. "Archie. if you don't hurry up, we'll be late!" the taller of the two called, tipping his hat to me as he added, "though I can't say I'd blame you for choosing her company over ours - you've picked a right stunner there!" I heard Charles' spluttering with indignation beside me and tried my hardest to look offended, but had to settle in the end for laughing instead, especially at the look of amused bashfulness on Mr. Kennedy's face as he grinned at me. "It seems I must leave you Fair Lady. Parting is such sweet sorrow, but I am afraid it is a necessary evil. I bid you adieu." And with that he took my hand in his, holding it to his lips for what Charles later pointed out a good moment longer than strictly necessary, before nodding to him and hurrying to meet his waiting friends. I have to confess that my cheeks felt unnaturally warm at that moment, but the weather had taken a turn for the better, so it is likely that had something to do with it. Charles was in a foul mood for the journey home, making pointed comments about social upstarts who did not know their position and should be taught a lesson, but I hardly paid him a moment's attention. I think I must have dozed off slightly for the main part of the drive, as it seemed to take a considerably shorter amount of time than on the outward trip, and before I knew it we were pulling up outside the house and the night was over. After bidding a quick goodnight to Charles and evading mother's questions by pleading tiredness, I came up to my room where I have been sitting for a good two hours now, unable to sleep a wink. I feel though that I have cleared my mind somewhat by going over the events of the evening, and shall once more attempt to coax myself into sleep. Staying awake late is one thing, depriving oneself of sleep for a whole night and looking a fright in the morning is quite another, and I really do not feel like having a quarrel with mother over something so trivial. I will have trouble soon enough as it is with her questions about our encounter with Mr. Kennedy - I do not doubt for a minute that Charles, in a fit of pique, will tell her everything. Anyway, I will deal with that when the time comes. Enough now, to sleep. 


	5. January 10th, 1792

I was too exhausted to write in here yesterday, and besides, I was in such a foul mood for the most part of it that I would have only written things that I would surely come to regret at a later time, so I think it was of the best for all concerned that I should wait until today to report upon the events of the preceding 24 hours.  
  
To begin with I rose at a normal time, something which meant I was out of sorts from the very start as I could have quite happily spent a few hours more in bed after the lateness of which I retired the previous night. Unfortunately it had completely slipped my mind that I had promised mother I would accompany her to Middleton Hall the next time she went calling, and having chosen that day to repay her visits, I was duty bound to go with her. To make matters worse, Suzy was also in a rather sluggish state for some reason for another, and it was considerably later than the time we had originally intended to leave when I was finally dressed and ready to go downstairs, where I was met with instant maternal disapproval.  
  
"Virginia, really." she began, in that tone of voice just calculated to drive me to distraction even when I am in a pleasant mood, and which did nothing to improve my temper that morning. She immediately set about fussing with my bonnet, tugging and jerking at everything until I felt as if I wanted to scream. I did honestly try not to show my annoyance, although from the expression on her face I do not think I was particularly successful.  
  
"I suppose that will have to do," she commented finally, giving one final pull to the ribbons and almost strangling me in the process before sweeping out to the carriage which, as she informed me over her shoulder, had already been waiting a good ten minutes. Grumbling under my breath I followed her, although I was sorely tempted to tell her that she could go on her own and flounce back to my room. I am glad that I did not though, as I do feel that 17 is too old to be giving in to childish tantrums anymore, even if the occasional loss of temper can be somewhat satisfying in clearing one's mind.  
  
We had hardly been moving five minutes when the questions started. I had been expecting it really, but I had hoped that the attack would wait until I had more time to prepare myself. I should have realised by now though that if that woman can find a way to unsettle me, she will manage it.  
  
"Did you enjoy yourself at the theatre last night?" she asked casually, the very innocence of her tone putting me on my guard immediately. I played along though, refusing to show that I knew what she was up to.  
  
"Yes, we had a most enjoyable time, the performance was breathtaking," I told her calmly, smiling calmly at her for a moment before turning my gaze to the window. She said nothing more for a while, and I almost believed that maybe Charles had not spoken after all and that this was nothing more than a rare motherly display of interest. However, as I had feared, I was wrong.  
  
"That isn't quite the story I was told," she informed me icily. I kept my eyes fixed on the passing scenery outside, waiting until I was certain of being able to keep my voice steady before replying.  
  
"Oh?" I managed finally.  
  
"I heard that you had a small incident upon leaving the theatre?" she pressed, just in case I had not managed to understand what she was referring to. Mentally cursing Charles in what I have to confess to being a rather unladylike manner I forced myself to look at her, striving for an expression of childish innocence and bewilderment.  
  
"Incident?" I questioned, resisting the urge to toy with my fan as I spoke. Mother would have noticed my agitation in an instant, and I was not about to let her see that I cared what she was saying.  
  
"Yes, with a young gentleman," she prompted, a little testily. Feigning a look of surprise I considered a moment before answering, being careful to keep my tone light as I did so.  
  
"Oh, you mean Mr. Kennedy?" I responded, sounding, I hope, as if I had not given the matter a moment's thought since the episode had taken place. Which of course I had not, apart from to record events in my journal that evening - it was only the fact that Charles and Mother chose to make such a fuss over it that I am even writing this now. But I digress. The look on Mother's face at my answer made me wish that I had gone with my earlier instincts and remained at home, as it was clear that she was far from happy with me.  
  
"Yes, Mr Kennedy," she replied, watching me closely to gauge my reaction. I could not help my cheeks colouring somewhat, but I do not think anyone else in my situation would have reacted in a dissimilar manner. I simply disliked being cross examined over something that really should have been of no consequence whatsoever, and failed to see why such a to-do was being made over it when it was, by all accounts, well and truly in the past.  
  
"It was nothing Mother - some high spirits caused by a most splendid performance, that is all. Mr Kennedy apologised like a gentleman and we conversed briefly before he and his companions left for whatever entertainments they had planned for the remainder of the evening. No harm was done, and to be honest, I had entirely forgotten about it until you brought up the topic. I really do not see why Charles felt the need to worry you so, it was really not at all necessary," I told her, hoping as I spoke that she would accept my explanation and vowing to give Charles a piece of my mind the next time I happened to see him.  
  
She watched me a moment longer and as I felt myself colouring again in a most annoying manner I pretended not to notice and returned my gaze to the houses and people we were passing on our way. With relief I noted that we were almost at our destination, and as she would not be able to question me in front of Lady Forecastle, I felt that I would be safe for a while at least. However, as I was soon to discover, she had not finished with her little lecture.  
  
"You really should take more care over who you are seen speaking to Virginia," she informed me coolly, her lips pursed so tightly together that they had almost disappeared. I shook my head, unable to stop my reaction to this latest evidence of my mother's snobbishness.  
  
"As I have already said, he was a perfect gentleman Mother. I do not think that even you could have faulted his manners. Besides, he was clearly of some breeding and means, and I have seen many a man dressed worse at Grace Tapling's before now!" I commented sharply. I had hoped to dissuade her from any further comments, but despite myself I had allowed my temper to rise, and she was not slow in noticing the fact.  
  
"That is neither here nor there Virginia, as you should well know by now!" she informed me tartly. "You know nothing of the Kennedys or their position in society, and I would be grateful if in future you would leave such judgments to those who are more capable of doing so. You will have nothing more to do with that boy, do I make myself clear?" I flushed, unable to stop myself from feeling anger at the presumptuousness of her words. I almost told her right there and then that I had no intention of ever seeing, much less speaking, to Mr. Kennedy ever again, but something caused me to choke back the words as I let my anger get the better of me.  
  
"I believe I am perfectly capable of choosing whom I wish to converse with Mother," I snapped, no longer caring that my tone was less than polite. "I do not need either Charles or yourself making such decisions for me, and I would appreciate it if." I do not know what I would have added if the conversation had been allowed to continue, but thankfully at that moment the carriage came to a halt, indicating that we had arrived. Quickly I climbed down, leaving Mother to follow, and tried to calm my ruffled nerves. I do not know what I dislike more, that she can upset me so or the fact that I allow her to do so.  
  
The visit was long and tedious, Mother and the rest of the simpering group of ladies that she chooses to associate with discussing everything under the sun but still, somehow, managing to avoid talking about anything of even a modicum of interest. I almost remarked on this peculiar phenomenon, but decided such comments would not be well received in the present company, so kept such thoughts to myself. Eventually, the afternoon drew to a close and I waited impatiently while goodbyes and promises of undying friendship were made in the usual meaningless manner before gladly climbing into the awaiting carriage.  
  
The journey home was quiet and uneventful, as Mother, clearly still annoyed with my earlier behaviour, refused to talk to me. I went to bed almost as soon as I got inside after pleading a headache in order to escape dinner, and have remained in my room ever since. I think I may venture outside in a moment though, it is not healthy to remain cooped up indoors for such a length of time without fresh air, and I can feel a genuine headache coming on. I will write more when there is something of note to report. 


	6. January 17th, 1792

Mother has finally started talking to me again properly now, for which I am very glad. I do not like being at odds with her, and although we may not always see eye to eye, it pains me when things are awkward between us, especially when the cause is something as trivial as the events of the other evening. Things are still a little strained, but I hope soon that the situation will return to normal again. However, I do feel that soon I may have more reason to be annoyed with her than she with me, although I hope that for once I am wrong.  
  
Anyway, today I spent the afternoon at Grace's, a call which I grudgingly agreed to make despite my reservations over spending a day in the company of someone whose main topic of conversation was the number of dresses she planned to purchase for the summer. Her cousins Isobel and Charlotte Chandler were also visiting; the family resemblance at once apparent, as was also, unfortunately, a severe lack of personality.  
  
Several hours of tea sipping and idle conversation passed in a blur, and I found myself paying more attention to the pattern on the carpet than to what anyone was actually saying. Suddenly though I became aware of everyone watching me expectantly, and I realised that I must have missed whatever question had just been directed to me.  
  
"I am sorry, I was miles away," I admitted with a small laugh, hoping as I did so that they would not take offence at my inattention. While I did not greatly enjoy their company, I did not wish to needlessly cause them to think unfavourably of me. I need not have worried though, as Grace was only too happy to ask her question again.  
  
"I was just asking what have you been doing lately Ginny?" she repeated, smiling. I thought for a moment, and as my trip to the theatre with Charles was the only event of note that I could call to mind that they might be even slightly interested in, I proceeded to tell them about the performance. They listened well enough, but I received the distinct impression that they were not as interested in the merits of Garrick's latest piece as I was myself, and accordingly I cut short my explanation of the dance performed by the shepherdesses in the third act, contenting myself with simply commenting on the magnificence of the production as a whole.  
  
"And so," I concluded eventually, "after a slight incident on the way out of the theatre that I fear Charles is never going to forgive me for, we returned home." I was still feeling considerable resentment towards Charles for his part in the recent bad feeling between Mother and myself, otherwise I would surely never have mentioned the occasion again, but I was unable to quite shake myself of the irritation he had caused me and therefore could not stop myself from alluding to the situation that had caused it all in the first place.  
  
"Incident?" Charlotte enquired curiously, and suddenly I found myself the focus of their undivided attention in a way that I had not been during the whole of my previous tale.  
  
"Oh it was nothing really," I added hurriedly, wary of placing unwarranted importance upon something that really was of little consequence to me in one way or another.  
  
"Obviously enough to ruffle Charles' feathers though," Grace commented with slight smirk. "He was visiting here yesterday, I did wonder what had been the cause behind the frightful mood he was in. Had a face like a thundercloud for the entire afternoon, it really was quite tiresome." I shook my head, marvelling once more at how such trifling events as those of the other evening could cause a man to be in bad humour for days. They really were the most awkward of creatures, was it any wonder that I was so wary of committing myself to one for the rest of my days?  
  
"I do wish Charles would not exaggerate matters so!" I sighed, rolling my eyes. "Honestly, as I keep insisting to Mother, it was of no consequence whatsoever. Some youths pushed me on leaving the theatre, that was all. It was exceptionally crowded that night, and one can hardly expect to attend such a performance without occurrences of that nature. No harm came from it, and besides, Mr Kennedy." I got no further in my explanation however, as at the mention of that name I was suddenly interrupted.  
  
"Mr Kennedy?" Isobel questioned with a raised eyebrow.  
  
"Yes, one of the gentlemen involved. we spoke briefly after the incident, a very charming young man." I offered, wishing as I did so that my cheeks would not redden so at the mention of his name. It was of no interest to me in the slightest after all, it was simply the importance placed upon the whole episode by others that caused me to react so. It really was beginning to be rather bothersome, and I was starting to feel cross as I always did when I became flustered.  
  
"Oh Ginny, no wonder Charles was so upset." Grace exclaimed with a laugh. "I expect your Mother would not be best pleased either if she were to learn of it."  
  
"She already knows. And no, she is not pleased, although I cannot for the life of me imagine why!" I burst out, sick and tired of being the only one who seemed to be in the dark concerning the great offence I had apparently committed. I was soon to find out though, as Grace, leaning forward conspiratorially, told me all that I needed to know.  
  
"The Kennedys are not. well, let us just say that they're not the kind of family that someone in your position should be too eager to associate herself with." She informed me knowingly.  
  
"But why?" I replied, surprised, and wishing for the first time in my life that I had paid more attention to the meaningless gossip that I so frequently chose to ignore. "He was most polite, I do not see."  
  
"It was all a bit of a scandal really," Grace interrupted once more, clearly relishing the fact that we were hanging on her every word and reluctant to lose her position of power. "Before we were born obviously, but these things have a habit of sticking, especially when certain people make no effort to hide the fact." I was beginning to become rather irritated at her by that point, something that Grace clearly noticed as she continued hurriedly, "Lord Kennedy - the current Lord's father I mean - was a splendid figure in his time. Indeed it was considered one of the greatest honours to be received at one of Lady Kennedy's gatherings, very select you understand, wouldn't admit just anyone. For as long as anyone could remember, his eldest son, Theodore, and Harriet Gosford, the Earl of Gosford's niece, were betrothed to be married. It had been arranged since they were both in their cradles I believe, a most fitting match for all concerned. The Gosfords had a fortune almost as great as that of the Kennedy's, they still do in fact, I'm sure you have seen young Samuel posing about at someplace or other. anyway, as I said, it was all planned out to the satisfaction of both parties, a date was even set for the ceremony from what I have heard, and invitations were sent out to some of the best known names in the land. It was to a the event of the decade if you believed what people were saying about it, no expense spared.."  
  
"Yes, but what happened?" I demanded impatiently, caught by the story despite myself. Grace laughed at me then, pausing to take another sip of tea before continuing, refusing to be rushed.  
  
"Even you are not above a little gossiping I see Ginny," she commented, and I flushed, realising that my disdain at her previous gatherings for those she surrounded herself with and their idle chatter had not passed as unnoticed as I had thought. She continued though, evidently enjoying the role of storyteller that she had taken on for herself.  
  
"About a week before the wedding it seems, Theodore, or Teddy as everyone called him, suddenly turned around and said he wasn't going to marry Harriet after all, that he was in love with someone else and that it would not be fair to anyone concerned if the marriage took place! You can imagine the uproar that caused - Lady Kennedy fainted and didn't come round for at least five minutes, everyone was dreadfully worried about her, and as for his Lordship." she broke off, shuddering delicately. "Not a scene I should have cared to witness. And to make matters even worse, the girl he was proposing he now marry was the daughter of an artist of all things!" she added finally, a look of complete horror crossing her face that anyone could dare to stoop to such a travesty.  
  
"And Archie is their son?" I queried finally, wanting to make sure that I fully understood the situation. When she nodded I fell silent for a moment, unsure of what, if anything this meant for me.  
  
"I do not see that it matters," I ventured finally. "I mean, surely it is better to marry someone you love, rather than simply doing so because your parents believe they have found you a suitable match that will make them happy? The looks of incomprehension on the face's of the two sisters coupled with the condescending smile on Grace's informed me only too well that clearly this was not the case.  
  
"Oh Ginny, always the romantic," she twittered, laughing. "My dear, you know as well as I do that none of us will be marrying for love - if it comes later then that is all well and proper, but to even suggest that we should be allowed to marry any common lad who takes our fancy. it is sheer madness! Money Ginny, and more importantly, making a good match, that is all that is important." I stared at her and the other two as they nodded in agreement, horrified that anyone could actually believe what they were saying as strongly as they seemed to.  
  
"Well I can see nothing wrong with it," I stated firmly, refusing to allow myself to care that they were all looking at me with a mixture of pity and disdain. "And when I marry, if indeed I ever do, it will be because I love the man in question, not because I have been told to!" Charlotte opened her mouth to protest at that point, but Grace, perhaps foreseeing a scene and wishing to prevent it, quickly intervened.  
  
"I admire your courage Ginny, really I do." she informed me, the conciliatory smile she offered me only causing to irritate me even more, "But I think you will find in reality events will be quite different. Unless of course." she lowered her voice slightly, "Are you in love with Charles? Is that what you are trying to tell us?" I could only stare at her for a moment, unable to force any response out of my mouth at all in the wake of the surprise her unexpected words had caused and the ridiculousness of the whole situation.  
  
"No! I managed to exclaim finally, my tone containing as much indignation as I could muster. "Whatever makes you even ask such a thing? It was then Grace's turn to look surprised.  
  
"Well. I thought it was more or less accepted Ginny that you would be the next Lady Wilson," she informed me, laughing slightly. "I mean, your parents clearly approve of him, and it would be a very advantageous match for all concerned. I cannot see him turning down such an opportunity now, can you?" I was shaking so much I could hardly hold my fan straight, but somehow I managed to stand, ignoring the startled exclamations of the other girls as I hastily grabbed my bonnet from the chair on which I had abandoned it earlier.  
  
"Thank you for you hospitality Grace, but I feel I really must be leaving now," I informed her, somehow managing to keep my voice steady as I gathered my scattered belongings together. "As for Charles, I am afraid Hell will have frozen over before I should consent to be his wife, so the position for Lady Wilson is still open. Indeed, perhaps you yourself would like to fill it? With your obvious passion for meddling in other people's affairs, I do feel you would be so well suited." And then, with as much dignity as I could muster under the circumstances, I left the room, ignoring everyone and refusing to stop until I was safely outside again.  
  
It was not time for the carriage to arrive to take me home, but I could not bear the thought of remaining a moment longer. After a brief consideration I decided to walk - it was not that great a distance I felt that the fresh air might do some good and help me to clear my mind. As I walked I recalled my conversation with Mother a few days earlier, and my suspicions as to her plans and motives. It seems that everyone knows I am to marry Charles other than the one person whom it most concerns - myself. But I will not do it, I will not marry someone who I do not love, or in fact if I am honest, even like all that much. I will not, and they cannot make me, something in which I can at least take a small amount of comfort. I almost told Mother so when I arrived home, but the walk had done a little to calm me and I could see no earthly good in causing another disruption when there would be little to gain from it in any way.  
  
Yes, I will hold my tongue for now, but if they try so much as hinting at anything of this nature again, I will not be slow in telling the world what I think of such ideas. Grace's story may have been aimed at dissuading me, but it has had the opposite effect in that it has shown me that it is possible to marry for love - and if it is good enough for Lord Kennedy, then surely it can be good enough for lowly Ginny Dewhurst. 


	7. January 27th, 1792

Not a great deal of note has occurred of late, which is why I have not written here for such a while. I have been passing the time in reading and attempting once again to practice my drawing, but I think I will have to admit to a decided lack of skill in the latter and lay my pencil to rest once and for all. There are only so many failed masterpieces that one can endure before being forced to conclude that for the sake of one's dignity that such practices should be left to those better suited to them.  
  
Today saw a break in the routine I had managed to settle into though in the shape of a visit from Mrs. Pinkling for the purpose of conducting the final fitting for my new gown. I really am quite pleased with it, Mother and I for once being in agreement over what does and does not suit me, and I have to admit to being just a little excited over getting the chance to wear it so soon at Margaret Harwood's next week. It is a simple thing really, a subtle emerald shade that I fell in love with immediately upon seeing the sample, and cut in such a way as to be flattering without being too revealing, something which I detest. As for decoration, I allowed some lace round the bodice but put my foot down at the horrors suggested for the sleeves and neckline, and, thankfully for all concerned, both Mother and Mrs. Pinkling decided to listen to me. The result is very pleasing to say the least and I do not think that the overall effect will be unfavourable once shoes and shawl are added. If only I could be so sure of the same regarding the company, I would almost be looking forward to it. 


	8. February 2nd, 1792

Another late night, this is starting to become something of a habit for me. But I find it so hard to settle down to sleep after an eventful evening, especially one such as that which has taken place tonight. Writing has served in the past to clear my mind, and I write here now with the hope that it will once more have the same effect and allow me to retire soon enough to bed.  
  
Tonight was Margaret's party, and therefore the best part of the afternoon was spent preparing for the evening's frivolities. I do not usually enjoy wasting excessive amounts of time in dressing, but it was somewhat enjoyable to have Suzy pamper me for a couple of hours as she attempted to dress my hair and curl my ribbons to Mother's satisfaction. I wore it loose but conceded to a few ringlets around the face which, as Mother took pleasure in pointing out, did much to 'soften' my expression, and I may in fact take to wearing it so more often. My new dress completed the picture and I have to say that the overall effect was rather pleasing and left me looking forward to the night ahead.  
  
Speaking of Mother, she seems to have finally put all bad feeling behind us at last thank goodness, even going so far as to lend me her own emerald necklace which father had given her for her birthday the previous year. It really is beautiful, matching the colour of my gown exactly, and I felt rather proud to be wearing something so lovely. I cannot remember having felt so pleased to be going to a party for a good while now, as I usually dread such social gatherings or at the very least look upon them with bored indifference. Unfortunately though, as always, something had to occur to dampen my good spirits.  
  
"You look beautiful, Virginia," Mother told me, kissing me on the cheek in a gesture so rare as to make me start in surprise. I felt a tug at my heart at her words, my eyes suddenly damp, and I stayed close to her for a moment, catching the faint scent of lilies that always seemed to accompany her.  
  
"Thank you," I managed finally, smiling softly at her as I drew away.  
  
"And I am sure Charles will agree," she added, the look in her eyes almost pleading as she busied herself with pulling my cape more firmly around my shoulders. A sour taste sprang into my mouth at her words and I pulled away, pretending to check my appearance in the nearby mirror so I would not have to meet her gaze. Why do you always have to do this? I wanted to scream, but the words froze in my throat and I could only nod, forcing myself, as always, to keep my feelings hidden.  
  
"Good night, Mother," I told her finally when I felt I could speak without betraying my agitation. It was her turn to nod then, and although she did not speak again, I could feel her eyes on me as I left the house, and I shuddered, knowing what she expected of me but at the same time knowing even more certainly in my heart that I would never be able to fulfil it.  
  
The journey was uneventful, giving me plenty of time to dwell over what Mother had said to me, or rather what she had implied in those few simple words. As Brentford House came into view though I resolved that I would put it from my mind for the duration of the party. I saw no need to spoil what could, as I was hoping, be a very pleasant evening with worrying over something that I could do nothing about at present. There would be time enough for that later, as I knew only too well that the problem was not going to just disappear, however much I might wish it to. I had little time for thinking soon enough anyway, as the moment I entered the house I was caught in a whirl of faces and greetings that, as always, took up the first moments of such a party.  
  
"Ginny, how delightful to see you!" the first person to greet me was Meg herself, dressed all in blue and sporting the rather large diamond ring that has been the talk of just about everywhere for weeks now. Clearly the gossip had been right for once, I told myself as I returned her quick embrace and tried to follow her excited chatter as best I could. The eldest daughter of Earl Harwood and about as spoilt as a girl can be, but under it all there is a good heart, and her sweet nature makes it impossible for me to dislike her.  
  
After greeting several acquaintances and a few whirlwind introductions to various people whom I had not had the pleasure of meeting before and whose names I would probably never manage to recall if I were to meet them a second time, I was mercifully left to my own devices for a few moments. Feeling rather battered after the initial excitement I was thankful for the chance to catch my breath, and, finding myself close to the refreshments table, decided that a drink would do much to revive me. As I sipped my punch I took advantage of the opportunity to survey the rest of the room, and could not help smiling as Meg swooped down on yet another unsuspecting guest who had chanced to arrive at that moment.  
  
The house was decorated to perfection, society's finest dressed brilliantly in a magnificent array of colours and patterns, and I could not find one fault in the whole of the gathering before me. Everywhere I looked, chattering, laughing, breathtaking brilliance. So why then did I not feel happy? I was one of them; few in that room would not have heard of my name and even less would be ignorant of the reputation of my parents; not a drawing room in London would be likely to refuse me if I so wished to be there. I belonged to this set of people and I had done since birth, yet somehow, I still felt like an stranger. No, worse, an interloper, as if I had no right to be there among them, and had only managed to gain my place by deceit or pretence. I had always blamed them for that, laughing at their ways, refusing to conform. But what if I had been mistaken and it were really my fault that I did not fit in to their world? If, as Mother told me, this was to be my lot in life, surely I had a duty to fulfil it? I had fought against it for so long, but maybe there was no alternative, and I had just been deluding myself into believing there could be another way. If this was all there was, then what was to become of me if I continued to pull against them? I saw suddenly the rest of my life in my mind's eye, a never-ending round of parties and dinners, all exactly the same as this one, over and over until. until what?  
  
The very thought made me shudder and I quickly set my glass down so that I would not draw attention to the fact that my hands were shaking. I tried to calm myself, but I could feel panic start to overwhelm me and looked around, suddenly desperate to escape. The door was not very far away from where I was standing, but the many groups of people I would have to pass in order to reach it would mean, as I knew from experience, that my departure would not go unnoticed or uncommented upon. And Mother would demand to know why I had returned early, Meg would feel slighted, and it was all such a terrible mess that I wanted nothing more than to just sink to the floor and scream until someone showed me a way to get out of it all.  
  
"And there is no sight worth pitying more than the Ostrich who believes itself to be a King." A voice from behind me suddenly observed at that moment, and I started in surprise. I had been so caught up in my own inner turmoil, that I had not heard anyone approach where I was standing.  
  
"I." More than a little flustered I turned quickly to see who had spoken, and found myself face to face with the last person I had expected to see there.  
  
"Mr. Kennedy!" I exclaimed, hoping that my confusion did not show upon my face. I took a deep breath in an attempt to steady my nerves before adding, "What a pleasant surprise. how are you?" I felt like a complete fool, as if he would somehow know what I had been thinking and judge me for it, but he only smiled, pouring himself a drink before answering me in the same slightly amused tone in which he had spoken at our first encounter.  
  
"Lady Virginia, I did not think to see you again so soon, but now that I have done so, I consider myself truly honoured," he told me, taking my hand briefly before turning his gaze once more to the room before us. "A most honourable gathering, do you not think?" I do not know whether it was because of my own distemper, the manner in which he spoke or something else entirely, but I was not in the mood for pleasantries and something inside of me chose that moment to snap.  
  
"You mock me, Sir?" I demanded sharply, taking a step and putting some space between us as I spoke. "Because if that is indeed the case, then I will take my leave of you and find others who truly do desire to be in my company." I expected him to take offence at my words and leave, but he merely regarded me in silence, his steady gaze causing my face to redden, something which only served to make me even crosser. I turned away from him completely, and would have followed through with my threat if he had not at the moment at which I started to walk away caught my arm and thus prevented my escape.  
  
"Forgive me, I meant no disrespect," he assured me, his expression when I forced myself to meet his gaze so earnest that I could not doubt his sincerity. "My words may have been clumsily chosen, but the sentiment behind them was only to your merit. It is rather too easy for me, I fear, to slip into the mode of speech adopted by those in whose company I so often find myself." I felt myself flush again, ashamed that I had allowed myself to be so rude in the face of what had been intended as a compliment. I wanted to answer him but could not, and I paused, trying to gather myself enough in order to reply sensibly. I did not get a chance to though, as after watching me a moment longer he sighed, extending his hand once more as he did so.  
  
"I believe I shall leave you in peace, Lady Virginia," he told me, placing his by then empty glass on the table as he spoke. "I hope the remainder of your evening is rather more pleasant than it appears to have been thus far." I opened my mouth to tell him to stay, that I had not meant my earlier harshness, but at that moment fate chose to intervene. Charles, having recently arrived, happened to see me from where he was talking to Meg, and was making his way towards me. Mr. Kennedy, glancing from Charles to myself seemed to reach a decision, and bowing politely, quickly took his leave. I watched as he was immediately pounced upon by Tara Beaufort, heiress to half of Wales if the tales her father put about were anything to go by, and belatedly cursed myself for my seemingly perfect talent for turning people against me.  
  
"What did he want?" Charles demanded instantly as he reached my side at that moment. "Was he bothering you Ginny?" I shook my head, forcing myself to look away from where Tara was quite obviously fawning all over him.  
  
"He was merely saying hello Charles, being polite." I told him pointedly, knowing even as I did so that the remark would be lost on him. The only person I could see in the whole cursed room who might appreciate anything even closely resembling wit was the very man who I had just turned against me through my inability to think before speaking.  
  
Charles immediately launched into what, to him, was a most riveting tale of his latest hunting trip, and I forced myself to listen to what he was saying instead of adopting my usual and more favourable practice of ignoring him. This can be your penance for being so unfriendly, I told myself a good hour later as I was being told for the third time how Lord Mountjoy's horse had almost thrown him and surely would have done so if it had not been for Charles' quick thinking and intervention. Trying to stifle a yawn I let my gaze once more travel around the room, moving from group to group as I searched for something to act as a distraction from the monotonous trap I found myself caught in. If I could not spend even an evening in Charles' company without being driven almost mad with boredom, I could only imagine what it would be like to be married to him, and the thought filled me with horror. Night after night of the same conversation, the same stories, the same everything. and I would not be able to escape from it.  
  
"Ginny?" he enquired, clearly having noticed my lack of attention and, if the look on his face was anything to judge by, feeling rather miffed at it. I quickly turned my most radiant smile on him, hoping that his usual lack of observation would not abandon him at that moment and thus alert him to my insincerity.  
  
"Oh Charles, I am sorry," I simpered, hoping I looked as apologetic as I was trying to. "I was just thinking on how selfish I have been this evening, keeping you all to myself all this time. Just in the last five minutes both Meg and Charlotte have given me positively venomous looks, and I can see no reason for it other than that I have kept you from their company for so long." As I had hoped and expected Charles visibly swelled with typical masculine importance at my comments, and I forced myself to hide a smile. With any luck, I would not have the pleasure of his presence for much longer. Sure enough, within moments he was excusing himself, although unfortunately, not before he had managed to extract a promise to dance later that evening when the music started, and I was left alone.  
  
There is so much more still to write, but I can feel the pen growing heavier and heavier along with my eyelids, and I do not seem to be able to keep them open any longer. I will continue this in the morning, when I will relate the most interesting part of the evening. I do not doubt that I will be able to remember it clearly, as I cannot deny it has left rather an impression upon me, along with a rather delicate dilemma. Maybe some sleep will help me to decide how best to proceed, although I fear that it may only serve to confuse matters more. We will see I suppose. 


	9. February 3rd, 1792

I slept surprisingly well last night despite my reservations, although, as I suspected, my mind is no more settled now that I have had some time to think matters over. I feel like a child again, knowing I am doing something that I should not, but unable to quite resist the thrill and excitement of it all. Not of course that I have actually done anything, I have searched my mind quite thoroughly and do not see that any action on my part could be construed as anything other than completely innocent, and therefore I have no reason to feel the slightest bit guilty.  
  
As I was relating previously, the first hour or so of the party did not exactly live up to the high expectations I had set upon it, and by the time Charles thankfully left me to seek out the adoration of the rest of the ladies in the room, I was in half a mind to abandon the whole charade and just go home. I would have done so as well if it had not been for the thought of Mother's reaction if I returned so early, and, I am ashamed to say it, my own pride. It is a fault that I am aware of in myself, but I would not allow anyone the right to say that Virginia Dewhurst had left because she could not cope with an evening in the best company society had to offer.  
  
Realising that this meant I was trapped for at least another hour until I could politely leave, I resigned myself to the fact with a sigh and looked around for someone whose company I could manage to tolerate for longer than a few minutes without wanting to scream. So I flitted from group to group for a while, talking to various acquaintances and trying my hardest to appear as if I were enjoying myself, and I like to think that I achieved a certain degree of success. After all, it is not so hard really. If you have a smile pasted to your face, people do not tend to look too closely to see if it is genuine or not.  
  
I was busy trying my hardest to keep from falling asleep in the middle of Harriet George's description of her cousin's wedding the previous week, when suddenly the band struck up and the room was filled with music. I immediately cheered, if there is one thing that makes a party worth attending, it is the dancing. However, my happiness quickly turned to irritation again as at that moment I saw Charles looking around the room and remembered my earlier promise to dance with him. I knew from past experience that once he managed to attach himself to me I would not be free for the rest of the night, and suddenly I did not think I could stand it, even if it meant I would have to forgo the pleasure of taking part in the activity I so much enjoyed. I looked around quickly for some means of escape, and to my relief saw that the French windows leading out onto the balcony were open. Quickly, before Charles could locate me, I excused myself and made my way towards the doors, hoping the whole while that he was not following me. I pushed my way out into the cool night air, quickly closing the door behind me. And after a moment I breathed a sigh of relief, confident that I had not been followed. I could hear the music and the excited chatter as people began to dance and sighed, wondering how long I would have to wait before I could safely return inside. If only I had not promised Charles, none of this would have been necessary.  
  
"A pleasant evening, is it not?" a voice observed suddenly from behind me. I turned sharply, only to discover Mr. Kennedy, leaning against a nearby pillar and regarding me with obvious curiosity. My surprise clearly amused him, a slight smile playing at the corners of his mouth as he continued, "Rather mild for this time of year, or so I have been told on numerous occasions tonight. I fear that all of Meg's guests have been struck down with that peculiar English complaint that compels one to talk of nothing but the weather." I was startled at finding that I was not alone as I had first assumed, and it took me a moment to be able to find the words to speak. My silence was evidently taken as displeasure however, and he sighed, straightening as he did so.  
  
"Forgive me Lady Virginia, but I feel that you would be far happier if you did not have to endure the burden of my company. I will leave you in peace," he observed, bowing to me before making his way towards the door and leaving me to stare after him in bewilderment. I know that I should have just let him leave, but a combination of needing to apologise for my earlier rudeness and having no great desire to be alone outside caused me to stop him.  
  
"I. please. stay," I blurted out suddenly, flushing when he turned back to me with a quizzical expression on his face. I continued hurriedly, the words falling out of my mouth in a tangled rush that I was unable to stop. "Forgive me, I was terribly rude to you earlier. I did not mean it. And please, call me Ginny," I do not usually feel so nervous or unsure around people, and I really have no idea what came over me, but by the time I finished I felt like a stuttering fool and really wanted nothing more than to be as far away from him as possible. I could not have made such a bad impression as I had feared though, as although he looked undecided for a moment he finally smiled, moving back to where he had been previously.  
  
"You do not need to ask my forgiveness for anything, I assure you," he told me, brushing aside any further protest with a wave of his hand. "As for calling you Ginny, I would be honoured to do so. Tell me though," he added, regarding me with a slight tilt of his head, "is it because you dislike your given name or simply because you have given up fighting against others who insist upon shortening it so?" His question surprised me slightly as no one had ever bothered to take the trouble of asking such a thing before. I was used to simply telling people what I wished them to call me and having them accept it.  
  
"The choice was mine I am afraid," I admitted finally. "I refuse to be inflicted with such a name simply because of a grandmother that I have never met and my parents mistaken belief that they know something about Shakespeare." He laughed at that, shaking his head in amusement.  
  
"Well I for one think it a great pity that such a beautiful name will be used so rarely, but far be it for me to disagree with a lady over something of such importance as what I am to call her," he commented. "Although I feel duty bound to point out that as far as names are concerned, your parents were positively kind. Mine on the other-hand." he trailed off, grimacing.  
  
"Oh come now, if Archie is the worst that they could manage to decide upon, I think you have been positively lucky!" I protested. "I stand by my assertion that I have far greater cause for complaint than you, where names are concerned at least!"  
  
"Believe me, if that were the extent of it, I would not grumble in the slightest," he assured me. "Unfortunately, although on the whole my parents tend to have impeccable taste, it seems to have left them rather severely around the time when it was necessary for them to choose a name for their only son. You have no cause to complain over your own name, I can assure you," he continued, his expression one of amused distaste. "It is lucky that I love them so much really, otherwise I would surely hold it against them."  
  
"Well, if it is so bad, at least tell me so that I can judge for myself?" I asked, curious to hear what could be so much more awful than the name which I detested so much. He shook his head though, and I frowned slightly, unused to having such requests refused.  
  
"I would hate to frighten you away now when we have only so recently been reconciled," he informed me, attempting to appear serious although he could not quite hold back the smile that was threatening to form on his lips.  
  
"I hardly think that it can be as bad as you are saying!" I insisted, my curiosity heightened yet further. "Please. tell me?"  
  
"Patience is a virtue, or so my Mother tells me," he commented, merriment twinkling in his eyes. "You have my word as a gentleman that I will tell you, but only when I can be sure enough that you will not run away laughing when I do so." And so I had to be content with that, as it was more than clear that he was not prepared to tell me at that point. With anyone else I would have felt offended, but somehow I could not bring myself to be anything other than amused, and still horribly, horribly curious about my new acquaintance.  
  
"Well, if we are not to talk about names, do you have something else which you would wish to talk about?" I asked pointedly, hoping still at that time to convince him to tell me the information that had suddenly and quite unexplainably become so important for me to know. He only chuckled again though, tilting his head to one side as though considering something carefully.  
  
"I had no topic in mind, but now that I think of it, I do have a question." he mused.  
  
"Oh?" I prompted, wondering what it could be that he had to ask me. His question, when it came though, took me by surprise.  
  
"I was merely wondering why it was that a lady such as yourself who clearly does not want for admirers, is hiding outside rather than being the centre of attention indoors where all the dancing is taking place," he told me. I flushed again, wishing as I did so that his words would not affect me in such a manner but being powerless to stop it. "Do you not like to dance?" he added when I did not speak.  
  
"No, I. I enjoy dancing very much Mr. Kennedy." I assured him, unable to keep the wistful tone from my voice as I spoke. As I looked towards the house I could see the gaily-coloured dresses floating past and the music beckoned temptingly through the half open window behind me. If only.  
  
"Please, I must insist that you call me Archie." he entreated, following my gaze to the window as he spoke. "So am I to take it that other matters have forced you to venture away from the party? Do not take offence at my question," he added hurriedly as if sensing I was about to object, "I was merely enquiring out of concern, I could not help noticing that you appeared rather flustered and hoped that there was no cause for worry." I could not find fault with him with words such as those however much I may have wanted to, and somehow I found myself telling him about my earlier promise.  
  
"Well you see, I rather foolishly made a promise to Charles that I would dance with him tonight, but now.." I trailed off, realising how petty it all sounded. I had promised to dance and when the time arrived I had gone back on my word and run away like a girl of fourteen who does not know any better. What would he think of me? But it was too late now, the words had left my mouth and I could do nothing but let him judge me. He did not speak for a moment though, considering what I had just told him.  
  
"You do not want to dance with him," he commented, finishing my sentence for me. I flushed.  
  
"No, I do not want to dance with him," I repeated, slightly more emphatically than I had meant to and causing another amused glance from my companion.  
  
"I am only glad that I have no aspiration to ever understand the fairer sex, as I fear I should be terribly frustrated in my efforts," he observed after a moment, smiling softly at me. I felt myself becoming cross again although I tried my hardest not to, the knowledge that I had no cause to feel offended at his words only serving to irritate me more that I should feel so.  
  
"But what of you - why are you lurking around out here for?" I demanded. "I see it as rather bad manners to ask a question of someone if you are not to answer it yourself." A raised eyebrow was his response, followed quickly by a short chuckle, and somehow, once more, I found my bad mood evaporating, even though I really wished nothing more than to cling to it.  
  
"A rather similar predicament to your own, I fear." he informed me with a rueful smile. "It appears that for some reason a certain young lady inside has decided to make me the centre of her attentions tonight, and, just between yourself and I, I really do feel that if I have to spend one more moment in her company I might just have to strangle her." I could not help laughing at that, knowing immediately from my earlier observations which 'young lady' he was referring to.  
  
"Tara?" I asked, although I already knew the answer. He nodded, casting a hasty glance towards the door as if he expected her to come charging through it at any moment and discover him.  
  
"Yes. apparently she had been 'simply dying to make my acquaintance' for a while now. I would not have objected so much, but unfortunately she neglected to inform me that, having done so, she would then proceed to make it so that I could not move two steps all evening without her following me. For the first hour or so it was rather flattering, but." he trailed off with a shake of his head. "So you can see, I hope, why I felt the need to. put some distance between us."  
  
Even if I had not known Tara as I did, the similarities between his situation and my own would have aroused my sympathy, and I could see only too well why he had sought refuge away from his admirer. Also it seemed that, whether I liked it or not, I would have him as a companion for the foreseeable future and therefore resigned myself to trying to be a little more pleasant to him. I do not know even now why I treated him so badly beforehand, nor why he allowed me to, but I found myself feeling glad that, despite everything I had said, he had not let my rather cool behaviour give him cause to leave.  
  
As if sensing my desire to put our earlier differences behind us and being of the same mind, Mr. Kennedy quickly initiated a discussion of the merits and otherwise of the guests inside, his witty comments causing me to burst into laughter on several occasions, which only added to the general goodwill that seemed to have fallen upon us.  
  
"Oh but Archie, you simply have to, I insist!" he simpered, his high- pitched tone mimicking exactly that of Tara at her most exuberant.  
  
"Stop. really, you should not say such things." I giggled, knowing that I should at least attempt to defend my associates, but finding myself completely unable to due to the fact that his impressions were just too accurate to be seen as anything other than hilarious.  
  
He was in the middle of telling me of the scene Caroline Hautville had once created by refusing to allow him to accompany her to dinner after he had inadvertently insulted her by commenting on her 'purple' gown which was, in fact, 'lilac', when suddenly the music from inside caught my attention once more. It was a piece of which I was particularly fond, and usually I would never miss the opportunity to dance when it was played. Now though, due to circumstances that I could do nothing to change, I was unable to do so, and I felt my good humour lessen somewhat at the realisation.  
  
"You like this piece?" my companion enquired, and I nodded, gazing longingly towards the window where I could see quite clearly as one by one each guest took a partner and prepared for what was in all likelihood the last dance of the evening.  
  
"I do. it is one of my favourite," I admitted sadly, trying to tell myself that it was ridiculous to mind so much when it was, after all, only one dance. I could not help it though, something which must have been more than apparent to Mr. Kennedy as his next gesture clearly indicated.  
  
"Then you must dance!" he declared, holding his hand out to me as he spoke. I did not yet understand his meaning though, and I sighed wistfully as I continued to watch those who, more fortunate than myself, were able to do so.  
  
"I wish that I could," I informed him, shaking my head. He only laughed at that, stepping closer and taking my hand in his own.  
  
"Oh but you can! Come on, I promise not to tread on your toes if I can help it," he replied, pulling me towards him as he spoke. His intention became suddenly obvious and I instinctively resisted, trying to pull my hand from his as I spoke.  
  
"But someone will see! We really cannot, Archie. I mean." I protested, trying all the while to convince myself that the suggestion really was quite impossible. He did not listen though, brushing aside my protest with a laugh.  
  
"No one will think to look out here whilst they are so busy trying to impress each other with their fancy footwork. And besides, that pillar there will keep us out of sight, I assure you, it is perfectly safe." his tone was soft and persuasive, his words dealing easily with my objections and turning them to nothing as he spoke. And the more I thought of it, the more I found myself compelled to agree with him. Why should I not dance? The music was calling and my feet were fairly itching to begin - so what was stopping me? With that thought I ceased to argue, instead curtseying slightly to him to indicate my consent.  
  
"Very well, Mr Kennedy," I told him, drawing closer to him as I spoke. He smiled broadly, moving to rest his hand against my waist as my own found his shoulder.  
  
"I am honoured, Lady Dewhurst," he responded with a grin as we began to dance. He danced well, and I could find no fault in his steps as we spun about the small space we had to make use of. And as we moved I found that I could give myself over to the music in a way I had never been able to before; not having to worry over whether my partner could keep up, I was able to lose myself in the pleasure of the dance completely. We danced and danced, and I closed my eyes, allowing myself to be guided by nothing more than the hand on my hip and my senses. So lost in the moment was I as a result that when the music finally ended I felt rather disorientated and had to cling to him for a moment in order to compose myself.  
  
"Are you quite alright?" he asked me, his concern evident when I blinked up at him in confusion.  
  
"Yes. yes I am." I managed, blushing under his close scrutiny. He watched me for a moment longer then nodded, reaching out to gently brush back a strand of hair that had fallen slightly over my forehead before speaking.  
  
"It is a moving piece - one of Mozart's finest if my humble opinion can count for anything," he observed, making no move to break the contact that had been necessary while dancing. I agreed with him wholeheartedly, but was unable to do more than offer a weak smile as I tried to gather my senses about me once more. "My father had the pleasure of meeting him once," he continued when I did not speak, "A most eccentric man to say the least apparently, but then I suppose that is the price one has to pay for genius."  
  
"I. I really should be leaving now," I informed him, more than a little embarrassed that I had allowed myself to become so completely carried away in the presence of someone who was really little more than a stranger to me. He nodded, releasing me as he did so, and I shivered, immediately missing the warmth that his closeness had given me. This did not go unnoticed either, and he gestured towards the door with a slight bow.  
  
"You go in first - I will wait outside a moment longer I think. The air is doing me good and besides, I would hate for anyone to construct a wrong opinion of events if we were to be observed returning together," he commented, smiling softly at me. I nodded, seeing that his idea was a sensible one, although some part of me at least wished that I did not have to leave him just then. Rejecting such thoughts as being totally ridiculous I made my way to the door, surprised at how my hand shook slightly upon reaching for the handle. Berating myself for being so foolish I made my way inside, closing the door behind me and slipping as unobtrusively as I could manage back into the party that was drawing to a close.  
  
"Ginny, where on earth have you been?" Charles demanded immediately as he made his way towards me. He was clearly irritated but I smiled at him, still feeling the exhilaration of the dance enough to be able to pretend at being glad to see him.  
  
"I had a headache Charles and have been outside getting some fresh air," I informed him quickly, resisting the urge to look over my shoulder as I spoke to see if Archie had returned to the room yet. At that, Charles was immediately the picture of concern, fussing in a way that would usually have driven me to distraction but which I endured for the sake of adding credence to my story. "I am fine Charles, it has quite gone now and there is nothing to worry about," I told him, adopting what I hoped was an apologetic expression. "And I am so sorry to have missed dancing with you, I do hope that you were not too put out by my selfishness." He hastily assured me that he was not, and after that, all was well again.  
  
Many guests had already left by that point, and as I was actually feeling rather tired after the night's events, I decided it was time for me to return home. Immediately Charles offered to fetch my coat, something which for once I was glad to let him do. The headache I had used as an excuse previously did in fact become reality at that point, and as I waited for him to return I comforted myself with the thought that soon I could fall in to bed and sleep. I closed my eyes briefly, only to have to open them again a moment later when I heard someone approach my side.  
  
"I do hope you did not have too much trouble finding." I began, only to trail off when, instead of Charles returning with my coat as I had expected, I found Archie standing in front of me.  
  
"I was just leaving, but I wanted to give you this before I did so," he told me, handing me a folded piece of paper that he had been holding as he spoke. Curious, I moved to open it, but as luck would have it, at that moment Charles appeared, giving him a frosty glare before moving to help me into my coat. Archie could not have failed to notice his hostility, but he merely smiled, contenting himself with glancing at me briefly but in such a manner that I almost started laughing right there and then and had to try hard to contain myself.  
  
"I wish you a safe journey home, Lady Dewhurst," he informed me cheerfully, and then he was gone, pausing only to say goodnight to Meg before making his way out into the cool night outside. I quickly concealed the paper from Charles, knowing that he would insist on learning of it's contents and not feeling at all up to dealing with his sulking if I refused.  
  
"I think it is time I were leaving as well," I said quickly, a yawn suddenly escaping me and supporting my words. After taking my leave of Meg I allowed Charles to walk me to my carriage, breathing a sigh of relief as it finally began to move and I was on my way home at last. As soon as we were a considerable distance from the house I reached for the paper again, eagerly unfolding it and wondering at what it could contain. The writing was small but well formed, and I had no difficulty in reading the words that were written there.  
  
Ginny,  
  
I hope that you do not find my writing to you like this offensive or inappropriate, indeed if you do so you have only to inform me of the fact and I will not trouble you again. I simply wished to thank you for turning what could have been an incredibly dull evening into one that was by all accounts highly enjoyable and to take the liberty to say that I hope you consider it in the same light and that I did not make too poor a companion. I would also like to remark upon the brilliance of your dancing and how I consider myself honoured to have had such a partner, but I fear that I have bored you enough already with this letter, and therefore will restrain myself.  
  
Your obedient servant,  
  
Archibald Ignatius Bartholomew Augustin Percival Tiberius Kennedy.  
  
P.S. I do hope that you will see fit to continue to call me Archie - I fear that the breathlessness created by having to resort to such a name in its entirety could be rather damaging to your health.  
  
I really did not know what to do, and even now that I have slept on it I still feel I am no nearer to making a decision. In fact, a great deal of my dilemma is in trying to ascertain if there is indeed a decision to make in the first place. I know that Mother would not approve of Archie having written to me, but I can see nothing wrong with it in itself or any reason for myself to become upset over him having done so. The letter contains nothing of which I should feel ashamed and I have searched my conscience enough to decide that neither he nor I acted in any way that could give cause for reproach if it were to be discovered.  
  
Besides, by simply keeping the letter I have acknowledged its contents and the man who sent it, there really is no need for me to do anything further. And I would be perfectly content with this conclusion if it were not for the unfortunate fact that the letter included a return address. Surely it would be considered frightfully rude therefore if I did not at least send a short reply and to make some observation of my own? Especially as he took the trouble to fulfil his promise to me, showing all too well that he is a man of his word who is to be trusted. It would be rude and churlish of me not to at least recognise the fact and to tell him so, and as I do not know when, or indeed if I will see him again, the only way to do so is to write a letter in order to do this. I am torn, but I can think of no one to whom I could go to for advice in the matter. It would mean telling them everything and I really do feel that such a move would not be a wise one, even though I have no cause to feel guilty or ashamed. I am confused and unsure, and can see no way of easily remedying the situation. How tiresome this had turned out to be!  
  
I have wasted enough time writing in here for one day I feel, I will try to put it from my mind for a while and hope that this will enable me to, in due time, reach a decision which will prove to be the best course of action. 


	10. February 7th, 1792

I have done as I proposed, and spent the last few days doing everything but think of the predicament I have been thrown into. Now however, I feel that although such a course of action was beneficial, I cannot hide from the matter any longer and must now do something at least towards bringing the whole affair to a close.  
  
Accordingly, I have written a short note which I will have Henry deliver when he goes up to town today - I can rely on him not to betray my confidence I am sure, and besides, there is no reason for him or anyone else to question what it may contain. It took a surprising number of attempts before I managed to write anything that even came close to what I wanted to say, but finally I feel that I have done as well as I could, and it will have to do. I do not know why I am placing so much importance upon it really, I am merely being polite after all, and in all likelihood Archie is probably not even expecting to receive a reply and it was simply habit that led him to include his address in the note he gave me. I have written:  
  
Archie,  
  
I thank you for your kind words and also for making good the promise which you made to me at our last meeting. I hope that this letter finds you as well as it leaves me, and that you are in good health.  
  
Ginny.  
  
Oh dear, I was satisfied with it before, why is it now when I read over it I am no longer happy with the words I have chosen? I cannot help feeling that there is something missing, that I have been rather too cold and formal in response to his rather more flattering style. I do not usually have such trouble with matters of this sort, indeed, I can write a whole letter in the time it has taken me to compose the few words I have used in my reply to Archie. This really is most bothersome, and I can hear Henry downstairs now, I will have no time to rewrite it. I know, I will add a few words to the bottom, and we will all have to be content with that - there is no more I can do. I must leave off writing now, I do not want to miss him. 


	11. February 7th Late, 1792

January 16th - Late, 1792  
  
P.S. It matters little to me which name I call you by, my only hope being that my next opportunity to address you in person will not be too far in the future.  
  
Why did I add those words? I really should not have, I do not know what possessed me to do so and now I am in a most terrible dither and it is really quite horrible. It was only because I was so rushed and wanted to catch Henry before he left that I wrote them, it was the first thing that came into my head, and now I am left with the awful feeling that I have done something that was really quite wrong of me, but can do nothing to change the situation. I regretted doing this almost immediately, but by that time it was too late for me to retrieve my note as Henry had already left. If Mother were to learn of this. the very thought makes me shudder. Oh I do not know what to do at all. 


	12. February 8th, 1792

After a good night's sleep I have realised just how foolish I was being yesterday. There was really no need to upset myself so much, it was only a letter after all, and I am sure that Archie will not read anything in to it that was not intended when I wrote those words. I have acknowledged his note and that is all - I need do nothing more, and that will be an end to it. I should not let matters bother me so much, there is really nothing in it, and I have decided to firmly push the topic from my mind once and for all.  
  
Besides, I have rather more interesting matters to attend to at the moment, such as my approaching birthday. It is not every year that a girl turns 18, and I have to say that I am feeling both excited and apprehensive about it. I am hoping that it will mean I am treated less like a child by certain people, but I have a feeling that could be too much to ask for. I really cannot understand it, on the one hand I am considered to be ready for marriage and all which that entails, but on the other, I am not thought capable of being allowed to travel further than Meg's without an escort of some sort. I cannot help but find it rather tiresome, but as there is nothing I can do about it I will stop fretting over it, for now at least.  
  
Mother has been asking me for weeks now what I would like as a gift, but I can honestly say that I can think of nothing that I wish to ask her for, and her continuous harping on the subject has become more than a little tiring. Anything that I needed I received at Christmas, my wardrobe is fit to bursting and I have all the books I could possibly want to keep me occupied for many a month to come yet. I will have to think of something however, even if it is simply to keep her from driving me to distraction with her constant questioning. It could be worse I suppose, at least she has thought to ask me first rather than taking the approach of some and inflicting the first thing that captures their attention upon their unfortunate daughters. I still shudder when I think of the monstrosity of a gown that Aunt Beatrice gave Charlotte for her sixteenth birthday last year which she had to pretend to be completely in love with so as not to hurt her feelings.  
  
On the positive side though, I have managed to persuade her that I do not want a party this year, something that I was rather dreading. I used the excuse that celebrations coming so close to Meg's party would surely be looked upon as an attempt at competition, something which was not a complete lie as I would hate for anyone to stir up bad feeling between us by making such an observation, however false it may be. The truth is, I simply cannot bear the thought of the fuss and bother that would inevitably result from trying to arrange such an event and would much rather forgo the pleasures that might be gained from it if it means keeping such upheaval to a minimum. Now if I can only think of something to tell Mother I would like as a gift, then all will be well. There must be something I would like, I only need to dwell on it for a while and I am sure to think of an idea.. I must stop writing now, my brother William and his wife are coming to dinner and I really do not want to make Mother cross by being late. 


	13. February 9th, 1792

Well it appears that the problem of a birthday gift has been resolved, and most satisfactorily too by all accounts if I do say so myself. Mother was a little hesitant to agree to the plan, but after a relatively small amount of cajoling from myself and repeated assurances from William that all would be well, she consented, and so it seems that I am to be a free woman for a week.  
  
But let me start at the beginning. Yesterday William and Caroline visited for dinner, a pleasant prospect at the best of times as I have missed William since he married and is no longer at home. Caroline is nice enough too I suppose, a little dull for my taste with hardly two words to string together since she is so shy, but they love each other and that says a lot in this day and age. I only hope that I may be as fortunate when my time comes, which is unlikely to be the case I fear if Mother has her way. Anyway, once the necessary pleasantries were dispensed with conversation turned to the topic of my approaching birthday, and of course from there it was but a short step to discussing what I planned to do in order to celebrate.  
  
"I've told you Mother.. I do not want a fuss!" I insisted, cutting off the rather lengthy description she was giving as to how awkward and stubborn I was being over the whole affair.  
  
"But Virginia." she continued, her voice at just the right tone to irritate me still further.  
  
"Ginny, Mother. For the last time, will you please call me Ginny!" I exclaimed, trying hard to keep my temper from showing, but, I have to admit, doing a rather poor job of it. I could see Caroline looking uncomfortable at the scene that was unfolding in front of her, and embarrassment more than anything else caused me to hold my tongue when really I would have liked to give vent to the full set of emotions that the incident was causing in me. I think I might have finally given in as well, if it had not been for William's sudden intervention which turned the conversation to a rather unexpected matter.  
  
"Ginny.. Mother. please. There is no need for such quarrelling!" he insisted, the glance he shot in my direction when I opened my mouth to protest ensuring that I quickly shut it again. "If you will just."  
  
"It is her 18th Birthday, William!" Mother interrupted with a sniff. "I am only trying to make the occasion a memorable one for my only daughter, is that too much to ask?" I resisted the urge to snap at her, hoping as I did so that I was right to trust in William and his handling of the situation. I was not disappointed, as his next words proved only too well that he had not forgotten how to deal with Mother even though he has been away from home for just over a year now.  
  
"I am aware of that Mother, as is Ginny, and I am sure that she fully appreciates that," he soothed, patting her arm comfortingly as he spoke. "Besides." he added quickly before she could begin to speak once more, "I too have been giving the matter of my sister's birthday some thought, and I have a suggestion. It is something Caroline and I have been talking over for a while now, and this seems like the perfect opportunity to put the proposal to you." I looked from William to Mother and back again, my interest truly piqued as I tried to think what he could be about to suggest.  
  
"What is it?" I prompted, leaning forward in my chair like a child in my excitement. William smiled at me before turning once again to Mother, showing her clearly by doing so that it was her opinion rather than my own which he sought. I could not help but be impressed with the way in which he could calm the situation with no more than a look and a few simple words, and forced myself to remain silent whilst he continued.  
  
"Well. we were wondering, and this is only if you agree of course Mother, but we were thinking it would be rather nice if Ginny were to come and stay with us for a while," he suggested carefully, watching her face the whole time to gauge her reaction. As for myself, it took all of my self-control not to make some noise to show my delight, and somehow I forced myself to remain still as I waited with bated breath for Mother to comment.  
  
"But William." she began, and I felt my heart sink slightly. Surely she was not about to refuse? Oh but of course she was, how could I have ever thought otherwise? I need not have worried though, as he quickly silenced her once more, his voice so calm and persuasive that I could see no way for her to be able to refuse his offer.  
  
"It will be perfectly alright Mother, really, I assure you," he soothed. "She will not be on her own, and it is not as if Ginny does not know the city well enough by now is it? It will be a chance for me to get to know my sister a little better now that she is becoming so grown up, and besides, Caroline will be glad of the company, won't you my dear?" Caroline nodded quickly at this, and I could see that they had worked the whole plan out between them before William had decided to make his suggestion. I kept my mouth shut tight, instead focusing my attention on gazing pleadingly at Mother in what I hoped was a calm subdued way that would convince her I could be trusted to do as William was proposing.  
  
"Well." she began, and I could see that her resolve was weakening quickly under such a persuasive argument. "Are you sure William? I mean it is a lot of responsibility for you to take on, and I would hate for you to."  
  
"Oh I think we can manage," he told her with a smile, and I had to struggle to keep my own expression serious in face of the obvious fact that he was winning his case and was well aware of it. I held my breath, hoping against hope that I had not misjudged the situation.  
  
"If you are certain.." She told him slowly, looking from myself to my brother again before continuing, "But if there is any trouble, any at all, you are to send her back here to me immediately, is that understood?" William nodded, and I resisted the urge to ask her just what sort of trouble she imagined I would be getting into whilst under the protection of my brother and his wife. It did not matter by that point anyway, she had agreed and that was all that mattered. I was to be free. If only for a few days, I was to be free.  
  
It has been decided that I am to leave in a fortnight's time and that I will stay with them until the middle of the month, unless anything unforeseen occurs to make it necessary for me to return. I would never have thought this possible and I can still hardly believe that William made the suggestion, much less that Mother should agree to it. But I must believe it as it is true, and I now have to busy myself with deciding what to take with me on my little trip. I cannot wait and hope that the few days until I leave pass quickly. Freedom at last - I can think of no more perfect a gift nor one that I would cherish so much as this. And for once I think this is something that will live up to my expectations. 


	14. February 18th, 1792

I have had little time to think, much less write over the past few days, as every spare moment has been taken up with my fast approaching visit. I am rather glad really, as it has meant that the time passed more quickly than it might otherwise have done, and if there is one thing I cannot stand, it is waiting. Impatience is not a good quality to possess I know, but at least I can admit to myself that I suffer from it, and I do try to keep it in check, which is more than some people even attempt. I really see little else that I can do, and I can only hope that the hold it has over me will decrease as I grow older.  
  
Where packing and preparations are concerned there have been moments when I thought I would never be organised in time, Mother, as was to be expected, has been fussing continually over just about everything. She has had poor Suzy in tears more times than I can count now over the most trifling matters, and I really do feel quite sorry for the poor girl. She will not be accompanying me as William and Caroline have enough help to see to my needs as well as their own, and I fear that the next week or so will not be easy for her without me to cover up the many mistakes that she will no doubt make. But there is nothing I can do about that apart from vow to be extra nice to her on my return and try to put in a good word with Mother if she should choose to complain about her too much. It may sound selfish of me, but I will let nothing at this moment cloud the excitement I am feeling over this wonderful opportunity to do as I please for a few days.  
  
I have just been reading over some of my previous entries in this diary whilst waiting for William's carriage to arrive, and it has made me think upon something that the stresses of trying to plan for a trip had quite forced from my mind. I see now that I was worrying quite unnecessarily over the note that I sent to Archie, I have received no further reply which only confirms my belief that he would read no more into it than the politeness which I intended those words to convey. There is no need to think on the matter further and as it is rather unlikely that I will see him again I shall push him and the entire incident from my mind. 


	15. February 23rd, 1792

I have been in the city for just over a day now and I thought I would take a moment to record the details of my stay so far. I almost cannot believe that I am here, but it appears that I am, and I therefore intend to enjoy every minute.  
  
William and Caroline have a house in a very respectable area, but at the same time it is not a great distance away from all the excitement of life in the capital, which makes for a very pleasant time indeed. Today I was still getting settled so we did not do a great deal, but even the quiet evening we have spent at home together was somehow special simply by the novelty it presented to me. At home with Mother things are always so tense, and as Father is away so often it is a rare occasion when we can all just relax and enjoy being in each other's company. William read whilst myself and Caroline worked at some embroidery, and after dinner we all played cards until the early hours of the morning and I was quite surprised to see that it was almost two o clock by the time I made my way up to bed.  
  
Caroline and I are to go shopping in the morning, so I must get some sleep otherwise I will be in quite a state when it comes to rising tomorrow. I cannot even begin to express how pleased I am to be here, so I will stop trying to do so and retire for the night. 


	16. February 24th, 1792

William was busy today, but he suggested that Caroline and I should go shopping together in order to get to know each other a little better, and I have to say that I am glad that we did so. I was a little reluctant to start with, but now I can see that I have been unfair in my previous assessment of my brother's wife, and for that I cannot help feeling ashamed. Caroline is very shy, but once she manages to get past that she is really very pleasant company, and we had a very delightful day together.  
  
"So Ginny, where you would like to go first?" she asked as we stepped down from the carriage where it had set us in Regent Street. I looked about, taking in the bustle and noise all around me and tried to get my bearings. It had been a while since I had last been into town to shop, and I was really quite overwhelmed at the vast numbers of people who were all trying to force their way down the same road that we were now standing on.  
  
"You choose," I replied finally, deciding it would be better, for now at least, to defer to the judgement of someone who actually had some idea of where they were going in the seething mass of humanity that I had suddenly found myself thrust into. She thought for a moment before making her way towards a smaller side street, beckoning for me to follow as she did so.  
  
"Less people, and many nice things to be found if you know where to look," she informed me, pausing to look at some shawls that were displayed outside a nearby shop. And after a short while I realised that she was right. The street was certainly less crowded than the main avenue, with a variety of smaller stores that each seemed to contain something guaranteed to catch my attention and my money.  
  
"I cannot believe I have never noticed this before," I commented wondrously as I waited while Caroline purchased a pretty new hatpin decorated with stars.  
  
"You like it then?" she commented with a smile, nodding at my own mounting purchases as she spoke. I giggled, enjoying the pleasure of female company in a way that I did not usually, and finding it surprisingly enjoyable.  
  
"Yes. I am," I told her, smiling. "Thank you."  
  
We shopped for a while longer, my various bundles and packages finally becoming so many that I knew I would have to limit myself to just looking before long. I made one further purchase though, a small broach with a butterfly design that immediately made me think of Mother. I hope that she will like her gift, as I really want to give her something that will show how grateful I am to her for letting me stay with William like this.  
  
As we left the shop the distant sound of bells told us that the afternoon was more than half over and I looked up, surprised to discover that I had spent so long in a pursuit that I do not usually enjoy. Caroline, catching my expression, laughed softly.  
  
"Easy to lose track of time down here isn't it?" she commented, smiling. "We should find somewhere to go for tea soon, I know a nice little establishment not far from here if you would like." I nodded, realising suddenly that I was actually quite hungry after all of my discoveries that morning. After pausing to browse in a tiny store selling beads, we made our way with some reluctance back out into the commotion of the real world. We hurried past the sellers and entertainers that always crowd at Covent Garden, and down past the theatre until we reached our destination.  
  
"The Rose Rooms," I read as we approached a small but well kept tearoom. Caroline smiled at me, holding the door open so that I could enter in front of her.  
  
"Again, small and quiet, but I have to admit that such things rather suit my tastes," she told me with a rueful smile. "And the lemon cake is just heavenly here. Mrs Turner will not share the recipe with anyone either, although I am sure she could make a fortune if she were to sell it. Will you order?" My concentration for the next few moments was completely given over to trying to choose from the vast array of delicious looking treats that the menu had to offer. Finally though we made our selections and I closed my eyes briefly, the excitement of the day suddenly catching up with me.  
  
"A quite perfect day, is it not?" a familiar voice observed from somewhere close by, and I opened my eyes quickly to find Archie standing beside our table smiling down at me.  
  
"Archie!" I exclaimed, unsure of why I was so pleased to see him but unable to deny the fact that his appearance was indeed a very pleasant surprise.  
  
"Ginny," he replied bowing in that delightful little way of his that always makes me smile for some reason, "I could not help noticing you as I passed by the window, and thought I would take the opportunity to say hello." he trailed off as he turned to Caroline, "Forgive me. I do not believe I have had the pleasure of making your acquaintance before Madam?" I watched in amusement as Caroline coloured prettily while at the same time admiring the swiftness with which Archie had taken note of my sister-in-law's wedding band and addressed her accordingly. Seeing though that she was not about to answer I quickly made the introductions, the new companionship between us meaning that I did not want to see her embarrassed or uncomfortable.  
  
"Archie, may I introduce Caroline Dewhurst, my sister-in-law. Caroline, this is Archie Kennedy, a friend of mine." I felt my face redden at the last, but forced myself not to heed that or the amused grin which formed on Archie's face at my words.  
  
"A pleasure to meet you," he told her, glancing at the assortment of bags surrounding us as he did so. "I would ask what brings you to the city on such a fine day, but I think I have found my answer," he added with a laugh.  
  
"I am staying with my brother until the end of the month and Caroline has been showing me some new places to shop," I told him, gratified to notice that I did not blush this time I as I spoke to him. "It is really quite amazing, I have been shopping here many times before but so much remains hidden unless you know where to look." Archie nodded in agreement.  
  
"Never a truer word spoken," he commented, "For instance, there is a delightful little bookshop that I frequent regularly, but most people seem to walk right by it without even noticing it exists. Not that I am complaining mind you, makes it a lot less crowded for the rest of us." My attention had be caught by the mention of books as he must have noticed as he paused a moment, considering me. "It really is a most fascinating place," he added, "Do you like to read?"  
  
"Ginny is the bookworm of the family," Caroline volunteered suddenly, and I looked at her, slightly surprised, but pleased that she felt comfortable enough to join in the conversation.  
  
"Well then, perhaps you would allow me to show you this place?" he suggested, glancing from Caroline to myself as he spoke as if asking for permission before continuing hurriedly, "Only if you would like to that is, I would hate to impose upon."  
  
"I would be delighted," I cut in quickly, surprised at myself. "Though I am afraid it may have to wait for another day, as I think this morning's activities have quite tired us out!" He laughed at that, looking once again at our many purchases.  
  
"Yes, shopping takes a great deal more effort than we men often give it credit for, I believe," he joked, reaching down as he spoke to catch a bag that had at that moment chosen to escape from where it had been set. "Perhaps then you will allow me to be so bold as to ask where it is you are staying so that we may arrange it at your convenience?" I glanced quickly at Caroline to see what she thought of such a suggestion, but she merely smiled. Reassured, I proceeded to tell Archie the address of William's house which he acknowledged with a slight nod and a smile.  
  
"Well, now that is settled, I will leave you in enjoy the remainder of your tea in peace," he informed us. "Delightful to meet you Mrs. Dewhurst, I do hope I will have the pleasure of repeating the experience soon. I look forward to our engagement Ginny. Good day ladies." And with that he departed, leaving both Caroline and myself to watch after him in silence for a moment before we both looked at each other and burst out laughing.  
  
"He seems to be a very nice young gentleman," Caroline observed a few moments later after we had managed to calm ourselves.  
  
"Yes, yes he is." I agreed, realising suddenly that I had just arranged for a gentleman to call on me, and not only that, one of whom my Mother strongly disapproved and had forbidden me to see ever again. I only hoped that this would not reach her ears, although I had a rather strong feeling that it would. I considered asking Caroline not to mention the incident to anyone, but rejected the idea when I realised that would only serve to make her suspect something was amiss. I would just have to hope that no one felt the need to inform my Mother of this afternoon's arrangements and deal with the situation as best I could if she were somehow to learn of it.  
  
We returned home soon after, both feeling the need for a rest and wanting to be there when William should return in order to tell him of our day. I have to admit that I have thoroughly enjoyed myself spending time with Caroline, and would welcome the chance to do so again. I will make sure to tell William, as I know it will please him to hear that we are getting along well. After dinner we again played cards, although not to such a late hour as the previous night as we were all rather tired by that time. If the rest of my stay here goes as well as today, then I will find that I do not want to go home at the end of it!  
  
As I write this I cannot help recalling how I had said I would in all likelihood never see Archie again, and now here I am planning to spend a day with him. I wonder when he will choose to call? Oh I really should not think so, he may have made the offer only to be polite and quite probably has no plan to follow through with his suggestion. I must not let myself think on it otherwise I will only be horribly disappointed when it all comes to nothing. But no, Archie is a man of his word, he has already proven that to me and I have no reason to think that he will not do the same in this. He will call, and I will look forward to it. 


	17. Febryary 28th, 1792

Author's note: For those of you following this story who would like to read all that has been written so far in its entirety (up until October 1793), the diary can be found in full at:  
  
If anyone *does* venture over, please take a moment to use the "contact" feature to let me know what you think? Thanks :-)  
  
**************  
  
Today was spent at home relaxing after the activity of the last few days and it has been most pleasant. We all rose late and I passed most of the afternoon working on my needlepoint again. It is the most ambitious project I have undertaken yet, and I hope, if it turns out well enough, to give it to William and Caroline as a gift when I leave. I do not know if it will be completed by then, but I will try my hardest. Anyway it will hardly be a chore, it is a very agreeable way to spend ones time and there is a great deal to be said for the satisfaction that is gained from finishing a piece. I have developed quite a taste for such work of late and will certainly look to do more in the future than I have done previously. There was, unfortunately though something which marred my enjoyment of the day somewhat, and although I know that I am being foolish, I cannot help dwelling on the matter.  
  
Spending time together as we did this afternoon has given me the opportunity to see a little into the life of my brother and his wife, and what I noted has left me feeling both unsettled and yearning for something that I did not even realise I wanted until this moment. They love each other very much, it is clear in everything they do, each word, each look, each gesture. Caroline positively dotes upon him and I can see in his eyes that he does not object in the slightest to being petted so. Quite to the contrary in fact, as I am sure that he enjoys her gentle dedication as much as she clearly treasures the attentions he showers upon her, however small or insignificant they may appear to an ignorant observer. It is not a sickly clinging love though, they plainly trust each other and are secure enough in their relationship to allow the other to do as they need and want without trying to control or restrain them. The room was filled with it, a gentle sweet lovingness that made me almost want to weep with a longing for the same that I did not even know I was feeling until then. But really there is nothing more lonely than being a mere onlooker to such a bond, knowing that you can never be a part of it however much you may long to be. I know they did not mean to make it so, but I could not help feeling as if I were an intruder, an interloper into their quiet blissful existence and seeing things that I had no business to be witnessing. I made my excuses and went up to bed early, unable to look upon such perfection any longer.  
  
Will I ever feel for another person what they so clearly feel for each other? I do not know, but I cannot help craving the chance to experience such happiness, such joy as can be found when you discover the one person you are meant to be with, who will love you for and despite what you are and who desires nothing better than to be in your company. I do not want to spend my life alone, or worse, in a loveless marriage that will bring only sorrow. I only want to love and to be loved in return, surely it cannot be too much to hope for? 


	18. March 5th, 1792

January 26th, 1792  
  
Well, today was my birthday, and I am now 18 years old. It has been a strange day, wonderful in so many ways, but still somehow tinged with the sadness that I recently discovered within myself and now refuses to leave me in peace. I am older, and for once I feel it, feel the years moving away from me and leaving me helpless to do anything to stop the passage of time. Within the next two years if not sooner, my Mother will have arranged me into a suitable marriage, cast me away to live with someone who I will be lucky to like let alone love, and I will be duty bound to obey him for the rest of my days and to live a life as a prisoner. I cannot see it as anything else, and I am filled with fear whenever I let my thoughts stray to contemplate such a fate. I do not want such a life, but I can see no way in which to avoid it. Oh but I must stop this, if I continue to think in such a way I will surely go mad..  
  
I rose early today as I could not sleep due to one thing or another, and I was surprised but pleased to find the others also awake and downstairs when I made my way down to the dining room. Breakfast started as a quiet affair, just William, Caroline and myself along with the most delicious strawberry jam I have ever tasted in my life.  
  
"From Mrs. Warner," Caroline informed me with a smile. " 'Something to start the day off right for the Birthday Girl', or so she said." I voiced my gratitude, making a note as I did so to remember to go down to the kitchen after the meal was over in order to thank my brother's cook in person for her thoughtfulness. I doubted if our servants at home would even know it was my birthday, much less care enough to do anything about it, and this small token did much to lighten my sprits as I finished my bread and poured myself a cup of tea to wash it down with.  
  
"And now, for the presents!" Announced William when the breakfast dishes had all been cleared away. I could not help feeling suddenly excited at his words, although at this age I really should be past that by now. I also could not think who I could be receiving gifts from - my stay in London was surely my present from Mother and William. Nevertheless though, Caroline appeared at that moment with a selection of gaily wrapped parcels and I watched in surprise as she set them down before me.  
  
"Happy Birthday, Ginny," she told me, smiling as happily as if it had been her own gifts she were holding.  
  
"But." I began, still too amazed to do much more than just stare at the bundles before me.  
  
"Go on, open one!" William urged from the corner, clearly seeing that I was not about to do so without at least a small amount of prompting. Carefully I picked up the first package, a soft flimsy mass that, when opened, revealed a quite beautiful jade coloured shawl with pale pink trim.  
  
"Didn't think I could go wrong with those colours," my brother observed, and I smiled my thanks at him, turning the fabric over in my hands a few times and enjoying the silky feel of it against my fingers.  
  
"It is lovely, William, thank you," I told him earnestly, folding my gift neatly before laying it carefully by my side. "But you really should not have, allowing me to stay with yourself and Caroline is more than enough of a present, honestly." he cut me off though, laughing good naturedly as always.  
  
"It's your 18th Birthday Ginny. You didn't think we could let you get away with out having any gifts this morning did you?" he asked, nodding towards the pile as he spoke. "You'd better get a move on as well, otherwise it will be lunch time before you've finished there!"  
  
So one by one I unwrapped each bundle, each revealing something new and precious to my gaze. Some rose scented soap, a jar of sweets, a small trinket box with a blue and gold pattern on the lid and my name in gold along the bottom; nothing expensive or stunning in itself, but each one meaning so much more to me because of the love and consideration that had clearly gone into the choosing of each item. Finally there was only one left, a thin rectangular box with a gold ribbon tied around it.  
  
"This one is from Caroline," William told me, crossing the room to rest his hand on his wife's shoulder as he spoke. Looking quickly away from the tableau of perfection that they unwittingly presented to my gaze I focused my attention on the box, opening it carefully. Inside was a piece of green velvet, and as I pulled it back my final gift was revealed to my gaze.  
  
"It's beautiful." I exclaimed in wonder, and indeed it was. A delicate gold bracelet with links so tiny I had to squint slightly in order to see them, and when I turned it over, my name engraved in thin flowing script along the small plaque that it held in the centre.  
  
"Do you like it?" Caroline asked anxiously, watching me closely for my reaction.  
  
"I love it, really, it is wonderful," I told her quickly, eager to reassure her. "Really Caroline, I adore it. You shouldn't have gone to so much trouble, but."  
  
"It was no trouble, Ginny," she told me, smiling happily. "As William said, it is a special day; it would not do for you to have nothing to remember it by."  
  
"Just being here will be memory enough," I replied, feeling a sudden unexpected sting of tears that I quickly forced down again. William and Caroline were too busy smiling at each other in response to my words to notice and I told myself to stop being so silly. Birthdays are not a time for sadness, especially not one as important as my 18th. Vowing at that point to put such stupid notions from my head I thanked them both again for their kindness, before addressing myself to the task of gathering my gifts together and taking them upstairs.  
  
The rest of the day continued as it started, with merriment and visits in the afternoon, followed my what has to have been the most delicious meal I have ever experienced in my life. Caroline had made sure to discover my favourite dishes, and everything I could have possibly dreamed of wanting to eat was laid out on the table before me like a banquet. By the end of it all I felt quite ill with everything I had eaten and could not have managed another mouthful even if I had been begged to. Thankfully though everyone else appeared to be in the same condition, and we retired to sit by the fire whilst we recovered from our feast. The evening passed quickly, and before I knew it the clock was showing midnight and my birthday was over.  
  
I have been in my room for a while now, thinking over the day and wondering at the fact that I have not once thought of home or missed not being there for this special occasion. I know I should not feel so, but I cannot help that I feel happier here, as if I can relax properly for the first time in my life in a way that has just not been possible before. I hate to think that in time I will have to leave all this, leave William and Caroline and the freedom that I have grown so used to even after being here such a short time. It will make the return to my usual life so much harder I fear, and I cannot help thinking that I will not be at all happy to return to it. 


	19. March 8th, 1792

My good mood has been entirely restored thank goodness, and I have managed to push such brooding and pointless thoughts as were occupying my mind over the last couple of days completely from my mind. I see now that there has been no use in them at all and so therefore will try my hardest in future to prevent such worries from bothering me and focus my attention on more worthwhile matters.  
  
I had been planning to spend the morning in bed today in order to catch up with some well needed sleep, but, as seems to be happening more and more frequently of late, I found myself once again waking with the dawn. Still feeling rather restless, I decided to take advantage of the fact and rise at the usual time, wishing that my body could be as alert as my mind as I made my way down to breakfast. I am very glad of making that effort though, as just after eleven Mary, Caroline's maid, came knocking at the drawing room door to inform us that there was a 'Young Gentleman to see Miss Ginny," waiting in the hall.  
  
"For me?" I could not help exclaiming, knowing even as I did so who it must be. William frowned slightly, but Caroline, having clearly reached the same conclusion as I, silenced him with a look before he could speak.  
  
"Well don't keep him waiting, Ginny," she urged, turning to me with a smile. "I believe you have a bookshop to visit." I flushed slightly at the gentle teasing and the questioning glance that my brother was giving us both, but somehow I managed to stand and make my way out to greet my unexpected visitor.  
  
"Ginny!" he exclaimed, a wide smile quite lighting up his face as I approached him. "Forgive me for arriving unannounced," he added quickly, his expression suddenly one of concern in case he should have inadvertently caused offence through his actions.  
  
"Think nothing of it," I was quick to reassure him, unable to help returning his earlier smile with one of my own. "I was doing nothing of importance, and besides, a visitor is always welcome here." He smiled again, clearly relieved at my words, and I felt suddenly excited for a reason that I did not know how to explain and which caused me to flush yet again in his presence. He must not have noticed though, or if he did, chose not comment on it, as he merely bowed, gesturing towards the door as he did so.  
  
"I am glad," he told me, smiling even more, "For I was hoping that you would allow me to take you to the Bookstore that I mentioned at our last meeting. I promise to have you home at a reasonable hour and that I will not attempt to lead you astray in any manner," he informed me, directing a quick glance towards the half open door behind me. "That is if you would like to and it is agreeable to those you are staying with," he added quickly, as the thought suddenly occurred to him. I nodded, needing no time to consider his suggestion. Caroline had already given her consent to the venture, and I did not doubt that she would be more than able to convince William that it was acceptable enough to let me do as Archie had proposed. All that remained to be done therefore was for me to find my cloak and then we could leave.  
  
"I had managed to forget that it is still so early in the year," I commented as we stepped outside. The air was somewhat cooler than the previous day, but thankfully the thick layers of my cloak and shawl were more than enough to keep out the winter chill and I did not let it bother me unduly.  
  
"A little brisk, is it not?" my companion replied, pulling his own coat more tightly together as he spoke. I smiled at him, feeling a thrill of anticipation at the thought of what lay before me. Suddenly however I found myself thinking of my Mother at that moment, but hastily pushed her from my mind. I would not let thoughts of her reaction if she were to discover what I was doing ruin what promised to be a truly delightful day.  
  
"Yes, but I am certain that it can and has been much worse, so at least we can be thankful for that!" I told him, laughing at myself for my own high spirits. He laughed with me, and we continued to talk and joke as we made our way through the busy streets around Convent Garden to the same area where Caroline and I had been shopping earlier that week. I lapsed into silence, once more captivated by the striking contrast between two places that were so close in distance but worlds apart in every other respect.  
  
"We are nearly there now," he told me a while later, shaking me from my thoughts as I followed him into a quieter, less busy lane. The buildings were more tightly packed together there, the street itself so narrow that the upper floors of some actually almost touched in places. I was gazing around in fascination and as a result almost walked into Archie when he stopped in front of a small, rundown looking building.  
  
"Well, here we are," he informed me, steadying me with a quick hand on my arm as he spoke. Looking upwards I was just able to make out the faded script on the sign swinging above the door. Bamber's - est. 1732. Through the grimy window, shelf upon shelf of books were revealed to my curious gaze, more than I had ever seen in one place in my life. An old, grey haired gentleman sat surrounded by yet more volumes and I felt a sudden flash of envy that he could spend his time working with something that I loved so much.  
  
"Can we go in?" I asked, anxious to begin exploring this treasure that he had led me to.  
  
"The Lady is impatient I see!" Archie observed with a smile, opening the door as he spoke. "After you," he added with a bow.  
  
The shop was almost dark, and it took me a moment before I could see anything at all in the poorly lit room.  
  
"Quite a place, isn't it?" Archie observed from somewhere behind me, and as my eyes adjusted to the dimness, I realised that he was right.  
  
Everywhere I looked there were books, books of every colour and size and quality imaginable that rose from floor to ceiling in row upon row until it made me quite dizzy just looking at them.  
  
"I don't know where to start," I admitted, gazing around in awe. After a moment though I reached a decision, and was soon exploring my way through the shelves closest to me. Every book I had ever heard of must have been there, along with countless numbers that I had not, and I became completely engrossed in the expanse of volumes stretching out before me.  
  
I managed to entirely lose track of time as I stood there, and it could have been minutes or hours later when I suddenly became aware of Archie standing at my side, watching me. I tore my eyes away from the elegant copy of A Midsummer Night's Dream that I was holding and smiled at him, eternally grateful that he had allowed me to share such a place with him.  
  
"Thank you, thank you for bringing me here," I told him, "It is truly amazing.. Forgive me though, I did not mean to mean to spend quite so long browsing," I added, quickly, fearing he might think me taking advantage of his kindness, "I am sure that you must have other things to attend to."  
  
"Not at all," he replied, the sincerity in his expressive blue eyes reassuring me more than any words could. "I have been talking to Bart here quite happily whilst you were discovering the delights of his wonderful establishment, something for which he cannot fail to be appreciative may I add, as I somehow seem to have managed to place a rather large order for books in the process." I laughed, once again amazed at how at ease I felt in his company as I returned the book to the shelf.  
  
"Nevertheless, I think that I should stop now," I told him ruefully. "If I do not, who knows what I may end up buying?" I had allowed myself one treat though, and approached the counter in order to pay for the book I had chosen for myself. It was a copy of Les Liaisons Dangereuses, something that I have been wanting to read for a while now, but never been able to find at a time when I was not with Mother. She would not approve of my reading it I know, so to come across it like this was an unexpected stroke of good fortune.  
  
After I had paid for my purchase we left the shop, blinking at the afternoon light that seemed quite dazzling after the darkness that our eyes had been subjected to for so long.  
  
"I wonder how long we have been here?" I mused out loud, unable to tell from the overcast sky what time of day it now was. Archie glanced at his watch.  
  
"Just over two hours, I believe," he informed me with a grin. I stared at him in disbelief.  
  
"Two hours?" I repeated, astonished. "Oh Archie, I really am sorry. you should have said something, you must have been terribly bored!" He only laughed though, brushing aside my apologies with a wave of his hand.  
  
"Oh not at all," he assured me with a smile, "I remember the first time I discovered this place - It was late morning when I went in, and I was still there at 5 when Bart wanted to put the shutters up! And besides." he added, his eyes twinkling, "It gave me time to find this." As he was speaking his hand moved to his pocket, and the next moment he was holding a small paper- wrapped parcel out to me.  
  
"What is it?" I asked curiously. His reply however, threw me into something of a predicament.  
  
"A belated Birthday gift," he told me with a grin. "Go on, open it," he pressed as I hesitated, trying to decide what to do. I unwrapped it slowly, almost dropping it in my sudden nervousness. Finally though I managed succeeded, and I found myself holding a well worn, but intricately decorated, book. Garrick - A Collection I read as I turned the cover carefully to see what lay inside. The pages inside were well preserved, and a further inspection revealed a selection of beautifully drawn illustrations to compliment the plays that the book was made up of.  
  
"How did you know it was my birthday?" I asked, dealing with the easier of the problems and questions that had presented themselves to me since he had handed me the gift he had chosen. He smiled a little at that, although his expression betrayed a certain amount of embarrassment.  
  
"I overheard two of your maids talking together on the stairs whilst I was waiting for you earlier," he informed me a little sheepishly. "I did not mean to listen of course, but they were standing rather close and I could not help catching some of what they were discussing." I gazed down at the book for a moment then back to him, conflicting thoughts tearing through my mind.  
  
"What's wrong, don't you like it?" Archie questioned anxiously, my prolonged silence clearly having given him cause for concern. I smiled at him, trying as I did so to hide my confusion and uncertainty.  
  
"No! I mean, I. I really like it, Archie, and it was very thoughtful of you to go to the trouble of buying me a gift, but." I trailed off haltingly. How could I explain to him that my desire to accept was hampered not only by thoughts of what my Mother and others would say if they were to learn of it but also by my own sudden misgivings over allowing myself to be in a position where I could be considered to be in the debt of a man who I hardly knew?  
  
"It was no trouble at all, I assure you," he told me quickly, watching closely to see if I were displeased with him. "I hope that I have not caused offence," he added when I still did not respond. I forced myself to think clearly, pushing away the conflicting doubts in my mind as I reached a decision.  
  
"I love it," I declared, trying to hide my embarrassment as I did so. "Forgive me, my reaction was from surprise, not displeasure." My reply appeared to satisfy him as he smiled broadly, and as always when I am with him, I found that I could not help but smile in return.  
  
"Then I shall consider myself a happy man," he told me, glancing at his watch again as he spoke. "Although I do fear though that I have kept you out for too long, I hope you will not be in trouble for it."  
  
"No, not at all," I replied, pausing to consider for a moment before continuing reluctantly, "Although it may be best if I return now, just in case." He nodded, glancing up at the sky as he did so.  
  
"It looks like rain as well I fear," he observed, holding one hand out as he spoke. "Come, let me walk you home before we get caught in a shower - I do not think your relatives would thank me if I were to bring you home soaking wet now do you?" We started to walk back along the by now familiar roads, a few light spatterings from above proving the truth in his words. Due to one thing or another the walk back to William's took considerably less time than it had taken earlier in the day, and in no time at all it seemed we were once again standing outside the gate.  
  
"Thank you Archie, for a lovely day," I told him, feeling suddenly a little shy although I knew I had no reason to be so. He only laughed at that though, shaking his head.  
  
"The pleasure has been all mine, I assure you," he replied with a smile, looking down at the ground for a moment as if trying to make a decision before glancing up at me again. "I was wondering though. would it be most terribly forward of me to ask if I may call on you again during your stay here?" He looked so nervous that I had a sudden desire to laugh, although I quickly squashed the impulse through fear of offending him.  
  
"I would be delighted for you to call," I responded, glancing up at the house as I spoke. "Although I fear I am only remaining here a few more days, I am supposed to be returning home by the end of the month."  
  
"Then we will just have to make the most of the time that is left," he commented, glancing up at the sky once more as rain began to fall in earnest. "If you do not mind, I will take my leave of you now," he continued, already moving away from me as he spoke. "I will no doubt see you again soon!"  
  
I watched as he made his way quickly down the street away from me, only going inside when I could no longer see him due to the bustle of people and the increasing bad weather that had chosen that moment to descend upon us.  
  
I did not receive a great deal of questioning from William at dinner-time, so I can only presume that Caroline has explained everything and talked him around to accepting it, something for which I much remember to thank her later. I spent the remainder of the evening in reading the book that Archie has so kindly given to me, and I must confess to be looking forward to the time when he should choose to call again. It is so rare for me to find someone whose company I enjoy rather than endure, so it is only natural that I should want to see more of such a person once I have found them. I somehow do not think that Mother would see it in quite that way though, which is why I must do everything that I can to keep it from her, however much I may hate to do so under normal circumstances. But I can see no harm in it, and therefore do not feel that such a small omission of the truth can be any cause for concern. My conscience can find nothing wrong with that, so I will sleep easy tonight, secure in the knowledge that I am acting in a manner that no one can find reason to reproach or condemn. 


End file.
